by Zoë Pollock

Joe MacLeod wishes you the best on The Holidays:

It is The Holidays! If you are Sick, please Get Well. If you are Sad, please get Happy. They sell it in bottles all over the place! If you are Unemployed, I hope in this order: 1.) You get a Job, 2.) You can collect on those extended Unemployment Benefits, because wow, there sure were some Serious and True Anti-The Holidays em-effers out there who were Scroogin’ it up big time, all year long, and they are even some of the type of people who would “Merry-Christmas-In-The-War-On-Christmas-So-Get-It-Right-It-Is-The-CHRISTmas-I-Am-Wishing-On-You” to you, right to your underemployed face, while they are still bitching about the Taxes, you know? This is like, the one Time of Year when people make an effort to be positive and Of Good Cheer, and there’s these goddamn “War on Christmas” Grinches who get all prickly if you say “The Holidays” and not their Jesus one. YOU ARE TAKING A POSITIVE TIME OF YEAR AND BEING ALL “THE PARTY OF HELL NO” TO IT. Quit it! Ultimately to them I still say a Happy The Holidays, Jesus Christmas, whatever floats their goddamn boat to the Party of Tea, but they need to get in touch with being Human Beings and the teachings of Jesus The Chris. In Theory. Anyway.

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