We could go all the way with the Matrix thing. Hook the chickens up to a giant cybernetic simulation that makes them think they’re living the chickeny good life. How much processing power does it take to make a chicken happy, anyway? It’s not like we’re going to have to re-create Renaissance Florence. Once you get the grass- and worm-simulation subroutines going, you’re 90 percent of the way there.
If virtual reality is an acceptable substitute for what we assume is the real world, then why insist on eating actual dead birds? ... That’s why I am patenting, then waiting for someone else to invent so that I can sue them, VR: The Vegetarian Restaurant. Everyone gets a knife, a fork, a plate of spackle-grade tofu and a VR helmet that convinces them they’re eating whatever their inner carnivore desires, from wine-poached chicken breast to vivisected velociraptor.
We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to firstname.lastname@example.org.