How To Eat At Chipotle

A primer:

If the burrito tears and they have to add a second tortilla, CONGRATULATIONS, you ordered the proper way.

And if you've impressed the manager so much that he says “That’s a big fuckin’ Burrito” as you’re paying, then not only have you done your job well, but I’d like to go out to lunch with you. It was the proudest day of my life. This manager watches burritos being made all day long, so if you have impressed him/her to the extent of f-bomb dropping, you know you’re good.