Guys Who Like Guys Who Really Like Guys, Ctd

A reader writes:

According to Scott Thompson of The Kids in the Hall, the proper term for a straight guy who likes hanging out with gay guys is a "fruit fly." Hope this helps.

Readers have also applied the term to girls who like guys who really like guys. Another writes:

If you or your readers come up with a good name for hetero guys who generally prefer the company of gay men to that of straight guys, you can put my photo next to the dictionary entry. All through college and grad school, it was generally assumed that I was not only gay, but sleeping with my openly gay professor/friends - when in actuality, they were lending me their apartments (and sometimes offices) for clandestine sexytime with women I was seeing.

But what's kinda tragic about this situation is that one of the things I love most about my gay friends - their greater capacity for intimacy - seems to eventually trigger a crisis.

They're more open, less emotionally armored. Which makes them funnier and just all-around more interesting people. But it also makes them more emotionally haphazard in a way. My point is that I've been hurt badly when my gay friends fell in love with me in a way they knew I couldn't reciprocate, despite knowing very, very well that I'm irredeemably hetero. Enough of these wonderful friendships have run aground on those same rocks that it makes me wonder if there's a name for gay men who are primarily attracted to straight men.


You know, I hadn’t really thought about it much, but I find that I too am like your other fans who enjoy the fellowship of gay fellows.  I don’t give a crap about most spectator sports, I don’t watch TV, I have no interest in cars, and I don’t play computer/console games )except little casual apps on my phone that won’t support a conversation anyway).  I don’t hunt or fish or shoot weapons (though I was in the military, I avoid talking about it because the conversation almost always pains me). I could go on. 

The real cause of the greater enjoyability of conversations with gay guys (or women of all stripes, who comprise the balance of my friendships) is that they are not so straightjacketed by preconceptions about how guys have to be.

Not too long ago I encountered a feminist talking about how “men’s” media is much more misandrist than feminist media could be, and I kind of dismissed it as hyperbole, but I wonder if she wasn’t spot on.  If one is to live up to the version of masculinity expected of straight men in many corners , one must be an antisocial, sloppy, uneducated conspicuous consumer whose main goals are to win dominance fights and have sex.  How boring and pathetic are those who fulfill this extremely dubious role.  There may be many silly stereotypes of gay men, but at least gay men don’t seem to feel like they have to live down to them.

Okay, the “having sex” goal might still be there, but at least gay men don’t expect me to enter into their rankings and speculations on the carnal properties of anybody that crosses their minds.

Brian Moylan's guide for straight friends of gays addresses that last concern:

If we ask you if a guy is hot, you have to respond. Don't give us that socially conditioned, "Oh, I don't look at guys like that," bullshit. We're not asking you to hold his dick, just give us a gauge of how handsome he is. We know whether or not a girl is smokin', and you won't think twice about asking us, so we expect the same in return.