Steinglass presents a strategy:

Gay voters can't realistically express anger at Democrats by turning to the Republicans who just voted to retain DADT. And staying home on election day doesn't work as a way of encouraging political parties to prioritise your issues; if anything, it takes your constituency out of the equation.

There is, however, a way for gay voters to exert influence on the priorities of the Democratic Party.

It's the same way the tea-party movement has successfully influenced the priorities of the Republican Party. They can mount and back primary challenges to Democratic candidates seen as insufficiently supportive of gay rights. For that matter, they could try mounting and backing primary challenges by libertarian-leaning Republican candidates who do support gay rights, but those seem less likely to succeed. In any case, this is the way you influence political priorities in a two-party system: through the primary process. There are lots of gay Americans, they are relatively well-educated and affluent, and they should be able to make their concerns felt as strongly as anybody else's, if they apply pressure in ways that are effective.

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