by Chris Bodenner
Christopher Ryan emails:
Not sure if my $0.02 is welcome in this conversation, but your reader's recent comment contains the essence of what we're trying to get at in our book. He or she writes:
In my eventual marriage, I will insist on monogamy. I don't think I could be that free, sexually, with someone if, in the back of my mind, the possibility existed that they were thinking of someone else.That's just it. The possibility will ALWAYS exist that they may envision someone else, no matter how much they love you and cherish the marriage you share. This definition of "monogamy" that extends even to thought-crimes is inherently dysfunctional and psychologically naive. To insist on controlling even the fantasies of your partner is to invite bitter disappointment and divorce. If the Catholic sex-abuse scandal teaches us nothing else, we should at least see that insisting people deny (even in their private thoughts) their evolved sexuality can result only in disaster.
Several readers have requested a collection of all the posts from this popular thread. Find them, in chronological order, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.