On Not Becoming Unhinged, Ctd

by Chris Bodenner

A reader writes:

My wife and I love each other very much.  A while into our relationship, before we married, she had her Norplant birth control device removed from her arm, and went to the NuVa ring device.  We didn’t know this at the time, but this slowly caused sex to be more painful to her, I’m guessing due to some hormonal imbalance that caused her to not produce natural lubrication, and this spiraled to more mental anguish issues.  This sex and pain issue got to the point where she suggested divorce, and I begged her to just continue trying to recover.  It’s slightly better, to the point where we can have sex, but we have to use other forms of lubrication, and we have to proceed painfully slowly.

I want to stay with her, I love her, and I know that sleeping with another woman would hurt her very badly.  But I am at a point where I feel her sex drive won’t recover, and it’s obvious she only ever does it just to satisfy me, and with very little energy.

When Dan talks about opening the door a crack, I think that I’m not sure I could travel down that road.  We have a son now.  We still love each other very much, and therefore I still want a functional family for him.  But hearing him talk about the kind of fantasies people have, about being honest with each other, and about using temporary non-monogamy to save a marriage, I gotta say it resonates with me simply because the long laborious process I have to go through simply to have sex with my wife causes me to think about getting it elsewhere.  And because of that I was demonizing myself, and I don’t want to do that anymore, because it makes matters worse.