A reader writes:
Speaking of masturbating animals (yes, I've been waiting for this), did you know that male billy goats orally pleasure themselves to the point of climax?
I discovered this one summer while working as a Farm and Wilderness camp counselor in central Vermont. It was in the middle of morning barn chores that I noticed half of my nine year-old campers were lined up along the goat's fence, staring quietly ahead. "I thought that was a boy?" one of them asked me, without looking away from the goat who was joyously going to town on himself--he thought it was a female goat milking its own tit! And if that sounds sort of gross already, let me only add that goats (a) have long beards and (b) don't swallow.
Oh now I'm all nostalgic for camp!