The FNC pundit is nearing a deal for her reality show, of which she requested $1.2 million an episode. Mudflats imagines her narrating:

Look! It’s a polar bear. I sued the federal government to keep that guy and his ilk from getting an endangered species listing.

Check it out! It’s a moose. Chili anyone?

Wow! It’s a beluga whale! I sued the feds over that one too. There’s only 300 left, but they look like the other kind, so what’s the big deall?

All I care about is that she doesn't get to run for president again, and that Levi gets to tell his tale without real intimidation.

We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to