The FNC pundit is nearing a deal for her reality show, of which she requested $1.2 million an episode. Mudflats imagines her narrating:

Look! It’s a polar bear. I sued the federal government to keep that guy and his ilk from getting an endangered species listing.

Check it out! It’s a moose. Chili anyone?

Wow! It’s a beluga whale! I sued the feds over that one too. There’s only 300 left, but they look like the other kind, so what’s the big deall?

All I care about is that she doesn't get to run for president again, and that Levi gets to tell his tale without real intimidation.

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