A reader writes:
DON'T color your beard. You're only fooling yourself.
I'm about your age. My beard is going gray too. Here's the deal. Coming out as gay and any identification with the "bear" community is a healthy sign of welcome acceptance of who you are and how God made you. Think about the folks you admire: is it the ones with plastic surgery and fake color hair? You say that only your cattier acquaintances have noticed. Not true. The polite ones just don't say anything and hope you'll give it up.
Coloring your hair is like trying to stuff yourself back in the closet. And about as successful.