by Patrick Appel

A reader passes along two jokes:

1. (Insert your most hated sports rival as you see fit)

A Minnesota farmer dies and goes to hell. The devil sneers and tells him they keep it pretty hot down here. The farmer says, that's fine because there are some brutal summers in Minnesota. So the Devil turns the heat up and smiles at the farmer. The farmer notes how well that will help the crops. The Devil keeps increasing the heat and humidity, but that doesn't faze the farmer who is only focused on his crops. Finally, an exasperated Satan flips the controls to freezing cold and snow and ice form all across hell. "Now what about your crops?" the Devil sneers. Without a hesitation the Farmer exclaims "The Vikings won the Super Bowl!"
2.

An old couple, a middle-aged couple, and a newly-married couple are interested in joining a church. The priest administers a few simple tests and announces "okay, you've all passed, all you need to do to become members is to abstain from sex for 2 weeks to join the church." 2 weeks passes and the 3 couples meet back at the church. The priest asks each couple how the 2 weeks went and if they were able to abstain from sex:

Old Couple: "No problem at all."

Priest: "Welcome to the Church"

Middle-aged Couple: "It was kind of tough, he had to sleep on the couch a couple nights be we abstained."

Priest: "Welcome to the Church"

Newly-Married Couple: "Sorry father, we did not abstain."

Priest: "What happened?"

Newly-Married Couple: "I saw my wife reach down to pick up a roll of paper towels and I couldn't help myself, we had sex right there on the floor."

Priest: "I'm sorry, you are not welcome here."

Newly-Married Couple: "That's okay, we aren't welcome at the grocery store now either."

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