This story is almost Onion-like in its poignancy:

Palatine Township Republican Committeeman Gary Skoien denies he was with two prostitutes when police say his wife attacked him early Sunday morning. ... "No money was exchanged. Nobody was naked," Skoien, 55, said... According to police accounts, Eni Skoien, a homemaker, discovered her husband and the two women when she came home around 1:15 a.m. Sunday. She told police she became enraged and hit her husband with a closed fist and several times with a toy guitar.

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