[Patrick Appel] The Onion has a very helpful glossary of commonly used political terms. Some of my favorites:

An object recording a voter's decision that is frequently counted toward an election's outcome

A contest to see which candidate can answer the fewest questions.

electoral college-
A process by which the number of states in the Union is narrowed down to the most important seven or eight.

A quantitative score any politician may increase by slaying foes or solving riddles.

An intangible object within every American that is destroyed every four years in November.

A list of the subjects that candidates are willing to discuss.

Rock The Vote-
Something that is, apparently, still happening.

The glossary reminds of me of The Devil's Dictionary by Abrose Bierce which was first published in the 1880s. A few examples of definitons from the book:

Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in each other's pockets that they cannot seperately plunder a third.

Alone, adj. In bad company.

Future n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

You get the idea.

We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to letters@theatlantic.com.