All right, already:

Get Gmail. AOL is slow, worthless, and you have to pay for it. It's an absolute system hog, its clunky, insecure, and about the worst-designed piece of garbage imaginable. Gmail saves all of your messages automatically, it has a nice streamlined interface and an excellent spam filter, you get more space than you could ever hope to use, and the ad revenues go towards saving kittens. OK, maybe I'm exaggerating on the last one, but still, GET GMAIL.

More AOL-harshing here.

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