Married To A Gay Man

Another victim of the closet writes:

I have never read anything quite so hateful and hurtful as the comments of your correspondent who used the term "fag hags."

After over 30 years of marriage, my husband admitted to me about 9 months ago that he is gay. It has been a roller coaster of emotion ever since. I've felt used, abandoned, and angry. I've hated him for what he did, but also felt awfully sorry for someone who couldn't admit this either publicly or privately as a young man. I've tried to deal with the financial aspects of this, the family effects, and my own personal mental health.

Exactly what kind of a person hurls insults at a person in my position?

A bigot. I apologize for the hurt he may have caused. But you should read my email in-tray, if you think such bigotry isn't still prevalent in our culture. Some write me daily - or several times a day. When it is cynically used by politicians for their own power, it wreaks further damage.

The silent victims of the closet are not just the closeted gay men and women themselves. The pathology destroys marriages, wounds wives and husbands, traumatizes kids, breaks up families, leads to acting out, sexual abuse and dysfunction. The victims of homophobia are not just gay people. They are straight people as well. And the only way out is through.

If one good thing comes out of this Foley fiasco, I hope it is a clear sign that the closet and its pathologies must end. And only the institution of civil marriage for all can kill it off for good. Gay people desperately need institutions in which to express their love constructively and responsibly. We are just as human as anyone else.