Watching ‘​​​​​​​Pride and Prejudice’ While Falling Out of Love

In the early winter of 2006, I was living with my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. We’d recently moved into a beautifully renovated Brooklyn brownstone that we called the “Penthouse” because it was on the top floor of a four-story walk up. Despite this new beginning, our love had grown stale—it felt like we had less and less in common. I preferred to spend an evening at home than go out with him and his friends.

One night I stayed in, curled on the sofa with the cats, and pulled up our cable on-demand menu. The Keira Knightley and Matthew MacFadyen version of Pride and Prejudice caught my eye. I’d read the book years ago, but connected more with the brooding loneliness of Jane Eyre than any of Austen’s wealthy and silly single girls.

I was hooked almost immediately, but the scene that crushed my nearly broken heart happens about 25 minutes in, when the elder Bennet daughters are escorted out of Mr. Bingley’s house after Jane’s illness turns it into an impromptu infirmary. In a discreet, barely noticeable gesture, Darcy sticks out his hand to support Elizabeth as she gets in her family’s carriage. The scene is all giggling girls and polite chaos—then, silence. The camera focuses on the touch, and then, a few moments later, you see the close-up of Darcy extending his own fingers, likely quite thrilled at the forbidden physical contact. On my first, say, 10 viewings, I felt the tingling in my own hands.

At a time when I was rapidly falling out of love, that fleeting moment served as a visceral reminder of the spark of new romance. And just a few months after that breakup, I met the man who would end up being my husband. We were more like Bridget Jones and Mark Darcy, running into each other over the years, but finally—roughly five years after I first watched that electric touch—he kissed me.