After a Not-So-Bad Showing in 'The Giver,' Some Ideas for Taylor Swift Follow-Up Movies

The Giver, the long awaited adaptation of Lois Lowry's young adult novel, is not that good. Taylor Swift, however, is not that bad in the movie. 

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The Giver, the long awaited adaptation of Lois Lowry's young adult novel, is not that good. Taylor Swift, however, is not that bad in the movie.

The news that Swift, whose previous credits included Garry Marshall's every celebrity ever movie Valentine's Day and a tiny part on an episode of New Girl, would be appearing in a film alongside Meryl Streep was met with some incredulity. Despite the odds being against her—a bit part in a mediocre-to-bad movie—Swift comports herself quite well as Rosemary, a young woman who Jeff Bridges' Giver attempted to train. One can even argue that Swift is the most natural young person on screen in the film, but that's not saying much considering the performances of leads Brenton Thwaites and Odeya Rush are particularly wooden. (They are perhaps hindered by the fact that the people living in their society aren't supposed to have any emotions.)

Sure, Swift doesn't have much to do, and, sure, it's reads a little meta when her character begins singing. The singing is important to the story considering most people in this future do not know from music, and Rosemary, after learning from The Giver, is a natural at the piano. Still, the minute a tune comes out of Swift's mouth it's hard not to mentally point and go: multiple-Grammy winning recording artist Taylor Swift is playing the piano and singing in this movie I'm currently watching.

Taylor Swift is a busy lady. She's performing at the VMAs. She's got a big mysterious Yahoo event coming up that will probably lead to a new album. Still, perhaps she should give this acting thing a more serious shot. The Giver was a high-profile but pretty diplomatic choice for her as she revealed at the movie's press conference earlier this week: "I think for me that was just an unbelievable concept that I would get to do sort of this dream scenario that I would get to do this very small role that has a pivotal part in the story, but isn't jumping into too-deep water your first time in a serious dramatic movie."

When she wants to branch out, we've got some ideas for her. 

  • A Christopher Guest mockumentary about the world of cat breeding. Swift will play the sweet but uptight woman representing Scottish Folds. Her character will constantly be making her cats move their ears
  • An Amy Schumer-scripted, Judd Apatow-produced road trip comedy co-starring Taylor Swift's real-life friends Lena Dunham and Emma Stone. This is Swift's chance to show that despite her sweet, mostly kid-friendly exterior, she can truly be raunchy. In the movie, the three women road trip from their small liberal arts college in the midwest to New York City, finding their feminist identities (and ironic misandry) along the way. 
  • A Nicole Holofcener movie. She will play Catherine Keener's daughter. 
  • A rom-com she writes herself, inspired by her song "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." The movie will co-star Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Swift's character's shitty, hipster ex-boyfriend. 
  • Pippa in the highly anticipated adaptation of The Goldfinch. She'll dye her hair red. 
  • A Joni Mitchell biopic—oh wait, is that still happening
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.