Today in celebrity gossip: Sinead O'Connor unveils the sequel to her Miley Cyrus trolling, plus David Duchovny and Tea Leoni are officially divorced, and Drake Bell goes to Disneyland A LOT.
The hardest part of having a sudden, career-defining hit is the pressure of having to release a follow-up. Nobody knows this more than Sinead O'Connor, whose 1990 hit "Nothing Compares 2 U" is not only still perfect in every way, its title is rudely ironic in light of everything she released afterward. (Because nothing has compared 2 it.) But some could argue her second-biggest hit after that song was probably the weird, weeks-long beef she had with Miley Cyrus last year when she wrote no fewer than five open letters to the singer accusing her of senseless sluttery. Obviously neither party ended up changing anybody's minds about the merits of partying and/or prudery, but the dispute was compelling in that Sinead O'Connor had essentially ceded her mantle as one of pop culture's greatest trolls to a younger, savvier, and let's face it, way more hilarious successor. Still, O'Connor was back in the news, and that's all that mattered. But unlike with her music career, she seems to have discovered a suitable follow-up for that particular hit and, you guessed it, it involves Justin Bieber! In a recent interview with Britain’s Magic FM, she put the hunk prince on blast for being just as senselessly self-exploitative as his female counterparts. "The very young male artists who are practically children or look like children are also being sexualized. . . Justin Bieber is a great example." That's right: Justin Bieber, male child slut! Meanwhile, O'Connor is about to release a new album for which the noted female priest has sexualized herself on the album cover. But, you know, for academic or feminist reasons or whatever. People should only ever be sexy in the grimmest terms, and never as a celebration of youthful perfection. Middle-aged sexiness only, please. [Page Six]
Actors David Duchovny and Tea Leoni separated three years ago, so it shouldn't be too startling that they've now announced their that their divorced has been finalized. But Page Six's writeup is nothing if not a walk down Duchovny memory lane. Like, remember how he and Tea Leoni originally separated 6 years ago because he'd gone to rehab for sex addiction? And then they got back together in 2011 (they have two children, after all!), only to then immediately separate again? And then after that Duchovny was rumored to be dating his former X-Files co-star Gillian Anderson as though one hundred million geek nostalgists willed it so? Man, a lot has gone down with these people. Anyway, it's over now between David Duchovny and Tea Leoni. Legally, at least. And now they're free. Life! [Page Six]
Okay this split is more of a bummer: Jennifer Lawrence and Nicholas Hoult have decided to stop living the dream and break up. According to Us Weekly, it's the second time they've parted ways, and much like the first time this was mostly about distance and scheduling. Per Us Weekly's "insider": "They just weren't together a lot, her life is a whirlwind. They have gotten back together before, it just got to be too hard for now." Of course, this follows rumors that Hoult had been spending quality time with other ladies (including Lisa Marie Presley's daughter!). But then again the pair has always had a charmingly low-maintenance relationship. Like, Lawrence once mentioned to Marie Claire magazine that "neither of us gets mad when the other doesn’t text back or call. Life's super-busy." Man, I realize this is not any of our business nor will it ever be our business, but doesn't their drama-free, very reasonable breakup make it weirdly sadder? They're clearly both nice kids! Why can't it just workkkk? Oh gosh, we're all going to die alone, aren't we? Aren't we?
Aren't we? [Us Weekly]
In a story that has me VERY torn about whether to laugh in superiority or feel absolutely humbled with jealousy, TMZ reports that former child star Drake Bell was photographed hanging out at Disneyland on sixteen different days last month, leading them to conclude that Drake Bell possibly lives at Disneyland. See what I'm saying? It's like, is that sad, or is that completely awesome? The case for 'sad' includes the fact that Drake Bell is trying to launch a music career and maybe he should be too busy to be able to go to Disneyland every other day? But the case for 'awesome' is mainly just the idea that Disneyland is the best. He can go to Pizza Port for lunch sixteen times a month and don't even get me started on how many times he can go on Peter Pan the ride. Yeah, verdict is in: Drake Bell wins. [TMZ]
Justin Bieber recognized Kylie Jenner's birthday by 'gramming this photo of her with the caption "Happy birthday @kyliejenner ;) glad I got to spend it with u. So dope watching u grow up":
Meanwhile Miley Cyrus shared this very amusing photo of her younger self along with her sister Noah and father Billy Ray Cyrus and hash-tagged it #creepyassfamilyphoto:
Here's Austin Mahone just sort of doing his thing:
Meanwhile Steven R. McQueen's back on location in Atlanta hanging out with fellow castmembers from The Vampire Diaries and its spin-off The Originals:
Here's Lady Gaga in Seattle, just hanging out like one of the natives:
Finally, The Last Ship's Travis Van Winkle went to the doctor.