Today in celebrity gossip: Chris Martin is back in the saddle, Jake Gyllenhaal may be dating Rachel McAdams, and Lil' Kim has officially procreated.
Famed street musician Chris Martin is well-known for his silky pipes and extensive collection of epaulets, but were you aware he was once coupled with actress and karaoke singer Gwyneth Paltrow? It's true, Bing it. But, as your Bing results will surely reveal, the pair are no longer together. Married, yes. Coupled, no. Unconsciously uncoupled? Also no. But as the world's most perfect, organic, gluten-free divorce continues playing out on a world stage, fans of both Paltrow and Martin have observed with an unblinking gaze their lives post-split. So far their lives aren't much different to be honest: They live under the same roof and seem to still love their children. But it was only a matter of time until one or the other began to explore his or her romantic options and it appears Chris Martin MAY have made that first fateful stride. According to TMZ, Chris Martin was recently spotted dining with none other than the common nemesis of Charlie Sheen and TLC, the sultry Barbadian siren Rihanna. But in a strange twist, the usually cavalier news organization presents this item with something approaching caution and refuse to opine whether Chris Martin and Rihanna's date was romantic or simply business. But TMZ does present each side of the argument in clear terms:
DATE: They are both single, dinner spot was RiRi's favorite place, they left separate via separate exits to avoid being spotted.
NOT A DATE: The two have collaborated before ("Princess of China"), paps know RiRi goes there a lot (so unless they were sending a message, they just didn't care about being seen).
So what do you think? Is Chris Martin finally capitalizing sexually on that terrible Rihanna duet he once slapped Coldplay's name onto, or were the two pals just really in the mood for some jalapeño poppers? Before you answer this very pressing question, please be advised that this story has a MEGA twist: Rihanna is not the only woman with whom Chris Martin has eaten food in the past week. According to e-rag Radar Online, Martin was also recently spotted dining in Malibu with an elegant scarecrow dressed in a Gwyneth Paltrow costume:
Sitting side-by-side at a table, Paltrow, 41, and Martin, 37, appear to be looking at something together on the actress’ iPhone while enjoying their meal.
A citizen paparazzo even managed to snap a pic of the family, though from the looks of it, this meal was a mere formality-of-human-hunger and was probably nowhere near as sexually charged as staring across a table into Rihanna's cool green gaze. Still though, please do not ever assume familiarity with Chris Martin's complicated heart. That heart is for Coldplay liner notes to know, and Coldplay liner notes alone. [TMZ, Radar]
Meanwhile, all doomed romances have to start somewhere, and it appears the one between Jake Gyllenhaal and Rachel McAdams is well underway! Apparently the two actors "sparked rumors" of a romance when they were spotted hanging out together on the set of a movie they've both been hired to act in (Southpaw, some boxing movie). But then later they both attended an IRL boxing match at Madison Square Garden and Page Six reports that they "stayed very close at an HBO Sports party" and at one point were "in deep conversation." It obviously sounds like the kind of romance that could heat a fire, but it all begs the question: Did Rachel McAdams know he was trouble when he walked in? Is she saying 'shame on me now' for allowing him to fly her to places she'd never been? Is she now lying on the cold hard ground saying 'Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble'? And then the saddest fear comes creeping in that he never loved her or her, or anyone, or anything, yeah. [Page Six]
It remains very rude to compare Lil' Kim to the female gremlin from Gremlins 2: The New Batch. Not just because Lil' Kim is a much better rapper and in most ways more attractive than the female gremlin from Gremlins 2: The New Batch, but also they procreate differently. The female gremlin need only be splashed with water whereas Lil' Kim needs to be splashed with, I don't know, champagne? Anyway, this is to say that Lil' Kim has officially given birth to her first child and named her Royal Reign, obviously. Lil' Kim and child are reported to be doing very well, and like any proud mom Lil' Kim has spent the greater part of a day retweeting congratulations from tabloids from her hospital bed. And also from Miley Cyrus!
Congratulations, Lil' Kim! ["How Many Licks" pacifier joke to come, still working on it.] [Page Six]
Award-winning I Know Who Killed Me star Lindsay Lohan may have squandered the reputation-mending potential of both an Oprah-produced reality series and also all that nostalgic goodwill for Mean Girls, but that doesn't mean she's done making weird decisions in her personal life. One might assume that for all her lack of career success lately Lindsay Lohan would still fall back on the love and support of her family, but then one might be surprised to learn that Lindsay Lohan flaked on her little brother's high school graduation for no apparent reason. TMZ reports that while Cody Lohan was accepting his diploma, his older sister was "chilling in London... posting selfies all over the town, and clubbing and shopping." Her father Michael Lohan was also absent, but he at least had the decency of having a good excuse: His infant son had been hospitalized with a high fever and also his wife was in jail. So yeah, what was your excuse, Lindsay Lohan? [TMZ]
Cool jeans though:
Guys, listen up: Anna Paquin is proud to be a happily married bisexual mother with her finger on the pulse of social media civil rights trends:
And finally, please enjoy these sweet dance moves from Miley Cyrus and her little sister Noah:
Just kidding, finally, here's Kellan Lutz in front of another dang pyramid: