'Veep' Incompetency Index: The Ass of the Hurricane

Everyone nearly lost their job, and “Fishing” put on a master class in masturbation jokes. So yeah, it was one of those episodes of Veep.

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"Watching you be nice is like watching a baby smoke a cigarette. It's kind of cool, but also very disturbing" – Mike McLintock to Dan Egan

Everyone nearly lost their job, and “Fishing” put on a master class in masturbation jokes. So yeah, it was one of those episodes of Veep.

The Meyer campaign office is fully operational and things are getting serious: in "Fishing" Selina met with both potential campaign manager Bill Ericsson and potential opponent/running mate George Maddox, the former secretary of defense. But because this is Veep, neither went well.

Ericsson convinced Selina that she needed to dump her whole staff – Desperate Dan, Flailing Amy, Crippled Gary, Jizzy Mike – and she was all set to, if Ericsson hadn’t taken a job with that vegetable Joe Thornhill instead. The Meyer team was saved because at this point, Selina doesn’t have any other options.

And earlier on her trip to Maddox’s house in the country, Selina was offered the opportunity to be his vice presidential running mate. How did she respond? "I’d rather be shot in the fuckin' face than be vice president again." Well, that settles that.

The episode finally ended with some weird sexual tension between Selina and Dan, and a “Let’s throw cum!” chant from the rest of Team Meyer. White House material, the whole lot of 'em.

1. Amy Brookheimer (Last week: 9)


Poor Amy. She tried her best in "Fishing," but she just couldn't figure out how to fake being nice to people. After throwing one disaster of a dinner party, Amy found out she lost the campaign manager gig to Dan. Give her all the drinks.

2. Selina Meyer (Last week: 2)


The veep failed to dissuade Maddox from running, then failed to bring Ericsson on as campaign manager. At least she’s honest: "I’m not going to be able to pass a single piece of legislation that’s really going to make any fuck of a difference in your life."

3. Mike McLintock (Last week: 5)

Mike spent the whole episode masturbating in bathrooms and carrying around a "jizzbox." I don’t even know what to say about that.

4. Jonah/Jake (Last week: 1)

Ryantology is dead, long live Ryantology. After the demise of his website, Jonah got a job as Maddox’s bagman. How does Jonah keep getting jobs? His uncle is one of the most important people in the state of New Hampshire, apparently.

5. Gary Walsh (Last week: 6)


Gary, who's more of a prosecco guy, couldn't get the smell of IcyHot out of his shirt. And then he started the "Let’s throw cum!" chant. Good stuff, Gary.

6. Ben Cafferty (Last week: 6)

Ben revealed Mike’s masturbating to the rest of the group with some tasteful puns over dinner. Bravo, Ben.

7. Kent Davison (Last week: 4)

Kent to Sue: "Did you get my text? You didn't answer."

8. Sue Wilson (Last week: 7)

Sue to Kent: "Oh, there is no answering that."

9. Dan Egan (Last week: 8)


Dan gets the last spot pretty much by default this week: he was triumphant over Amy for the campaign manager job, even if Selina gave it to him in an admittance of defeat. So, congratulations Dan. But he also admitted to killing a dog when he was a child. What the fuck, Dan?

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.