'Veep' Incompetency Index: Down Like the Hindenburg

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"I think to me you look like a bitter person" – Deputy British Prime Minister 

What is it about Europe that brings out the truly worst (best) in the Meyer team? The veep's merry ol' trip to London saw Dan's regime come crumbling down, in spectacular fashion. Daniwah!

For an episode that turned dark at the end (the First Lady attempted suicide), "Special Relationship" was a hilarious catastrophe, which saw two people get fired, and one of those end up in the hospital. The veep travelled to London to commemorate a World War I anniversary and not-so-secretly work out a deal with Germany on spying, but she wore some terrible hats ("it's like she stuck her head in a swan and it's exploded") and had a "fucking misery marathon" of a press conference along the way.

By the end of it, the Meyer crew were just thankful to get out of Britain or as Ray calls it, the kingdom of the hats. Let's just get right to it and tally up the casualties: 

1. Ray (Last week: N/A)


We kept him off the Index last week, but there's just no way we can deny Ray's incompetence in London. The veep's personal wellness advisor and author of books like Get A Bod Like God – wasn't shy about sharing his personal views ("Money is just a concept"), or trying to normal-fy Selina's speeches, because this is a man who's written a lot of "treati," after all. Not even his word-a-day calendar ("I love words very ardently" ) could save Ray in the end, though, once it leaked that he thinks obese children are possessed by the devil (not a great hat choice, either, tbh). London was the end of the road for Ray, but oh what an end it was.

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2. Dan Egan (Last week: 3)


Honestly, "Dan with a plan Egan" should thank Ray for taking the top spot this week, because the veep's (now ex-) campaign manager had a rough go of it. Dan got fired and wound up in the hospital, and got stuck listening to Jonah "read" his chart to him: "Inverted nipples, abnormally high douche readings, that makes sense, cancer of the soul, traces of dog excrement found around the corners of mouth, chronic cretinism, leprosy, anal bleeding, tiny child balls." Yeah, that about sums up Dan's week. 

3. Selina Meyer (Last week: 1)


Let's be honest: Selina isn't great in other countries, and Britain was especially unkind. The trip was littered with miscommunication and awkward questions, but at least she managed to save a bit of face: "I have always been a friend of the full figured folks." Well, kind of. 

4. Gary Walsh (Last week: 5)

Poor Gary had a hard time getting noticed this week, and the only time he really made any noise was breaking "the fucking queen's china." 

5. Ben Cafferty (Last week: 7)

"I wouldn't say comfortable," Ben said to the Deputy PM, but it really applies to the whole trip.

6. Kent Davison (Last week: 6)

This is a pretty good year for Kent. He got to fire Jonah in the very first episode, and now he had the honor of firing Ray.

7. Sue Wilson (Last week: 8)

It was demeaning, but Sue got the veep a meeting with Prince Charles. Sure, she then had to cancel the meeting with Prince Charles, but as Kent said, "tough call for a tough caller."

8. Mike McLintock (Last week: 2)

Mike gave 100 percent effort this episode (not that he usually doesn't, of course), and even had a few fleeting moments when he found himself in charge. The Downton Abbey fan spent most of "Special Relationship" working on Selina's speech and "nailing pathos to the frickin' wall." 

9. Jonah Ryan (Last week: 9)


Another week with Jonah at the bottom of the Index, another sign of the apocalypse. But "Jonah Bond," aka agent 00-fuck-off, managed to leak Ray's fat kids treatise to the press, and got to gloat about it to Dan to boot. We can't believe we're saying this, but maybe Jonah isn't so terrible at his job on Maddox's staff. Which makes sense, considering his duties seems to entail plaguing the Meyer staff. 

10. Amy Brookheimer (Last week: 4)


She had a couple of less-than-ideal weeks, but Amy's finally back on her game. She pulled off a killer British accent, gave Jonah the Ray story, and managed to get Dan fired, all in one go. To top it all off, Selina officially made her campaign manager. Enjoy it now, though, Amy, because next week you're in charge of this mess. There's a reason Dan went crazy, you know.





This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.