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Miley Cyrus' Unfortunate Date Rape Joke

Today in celebrity gossip: Miley Cyrus needs a better joke writer, Ann Curry was rescued by Boy Scouts, and Chris Brown will be in jail a while longer.

By Price Peterson
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Today in celebrity gossip: Miley Cyrus needs a better joke writer, Ann Curry was rescued by Boy Scouts, and Chris Brown will be in jail a while longer.

Don't be shocked, but Miley Cyrus has been partying. Yes, she recently spent a few weeks in the hospital for an allergic reaction to antibiotics and one might reasonably assume that for health reasons she should probably be 'taking it easy' and 'recuperating' and 'getting right,' because as Lauryn Hill once said, "How you gonna win if you ain't right within?" But what these nosy busybodies aren't taking into account is that Miley Cyrus' main profession is to troll the world via colorful displays of shock-pop partying and now she's fallen several weeks behind in this endeavor! Miley Cyrus has A LOT of catching up to do partying-wise and that's what she's doing now. According to Page Six this includes hanging out with high-fashion drug vacuum Kate Moss in London nightclubs and getting photographed wearing "a bra and glittery leggings" in mixed company! That's right, Miley Cyrus is just traipsing around presumably cobblestone streets dressed in little more than her unmentionables. But, okay, disapproving Page Six blurbs aside, it would appear Cyrus really did get into some proper misbehavior during a recent performance at London's famed G-A-Y nightclub. According to TMZ (who has video), Cyrus was serenading a friend on his birthday and in the process educated the crowd with some questionable knowledge:

You know, everyone’s a little bit gay … It’s the truth. Everyone’s gay, all it takes is one cocktail. And if that doesn’t work, sprinkle something in their drink. That’s what I always do.

Cool joke! Now, nothing is as unsexy as a joke policeman, but huh? What exactly were you saying with that, Miley Cyrus? I suppose there is a time and a place for any kind of joke, but I'm truly baffled at the suggestion that putting roofies in someone's drink could turn them gay. It would make them at the very least a victim, but-- You know what, this is already exhausting. I'm exhausted. To be fair to Miley Cyrus, public speaking IS hard, especially doing stage banter when your main thing is singing. That's why Aimee Mann frequently tours with stand-up comics, so that THEY can do the between-song banter and there's less of a chance of Aimee Mann making a rape joke. Anyway, yeah. During that same gig Miley Cyrus returned to her comfort zone and fellated an enormous inflatable penis:

That's more like it, you rascal. [TMZ, Page Six]

The Boy Scouts of Berkeley Heights, N.J.'s Troop 368 now have a new tall tale to tell around the campfire: The time they rescued the moaning, hobbled woman splayed out before them on a lonely nature trail:

Yes, that's exiled former Today host Ann Curry who had apparently "fallen and broken her ankle" during a hike. But the story is much funnier the way Boy Scout Rick Jurgens tells it:

We were hiking along, and we came to a trail intersection and a lady was sitting on the ground with her one leg out. We didn’t think anything of it, but one of the guys asked if everything is OK. She said, "No, not really. I think I broke my ankle." She told us to keep going, but the guys refused.

Just enjoy the mental image of a crippled Ann Curry sitting spread-eagle on a nature trail and waving off the help of concerned Boy Scouts. 'Just keep going.' Us Weekly's story doesn't suggest as much, but is there a chance Ann Curry had ventured into the wilderness with no intention to return? 'Leave me to the buzzards,' Ann Curry whispered to herself as those Boy Scouts assembled an impromptu splint and attempted to lift her. 'Please, I belong with the spirits.' Anyway, Ann Curry is fine now thanks to Boy Scouts. [Us Weekly]

Literal garbage Chris Brown recently admitted to a Los Angeles Superior Court judge that he'd violated his probation and has now been sentenced to 131 additional days in jail. He'd been in jail since March after having been kicked out of court-mandated rehab, so yeah. He'll just be in there longer now. It's not clear where exactly he'll go once he gets out of jail, but there are countless dumpsters in the world that he can choose from. The world is his oyster, as long as the oyster is also dumpster. [Page Six]

Acclaimed physician Dr. Dre is having a very good week. Not only did The Apple Computer Shoppe offer to buy his headphone company for several billion dollars, he's now about to buy a $50 million house! For that price tag, Dr. Dre will be able to reside in a 14,000-square-foot manse that boasts "six bedrooms, a library, a state-of-the-art gym, infinity pool, waterfall, and even a moat" and most important of all, the haunting, residual scent of former owner Tom Brady. And maybe the scent of Gisele Bundchen as well, who knows, not me. In general this joint seems like it will be a pretty okay place to live for this "first billionaire in hip-hop," which is how Dr. Dre refers to himself now, but HOLD UP. The known haters at Forbes Magazine would beg to differ with Dr. Dre about that nickname. Despite Beats Audio selling for nearly $3.2 billion, Forbes ran the math and decided he'll only make about $480 million after taxes, which, when added to his current net worth would leave him with a total of a mere $800 million. Sorry, Dr. Dre, but that is NOT a billion. That is a sad, small amount of money. Dr. Dre will be one step up from common street hobo and his new moat will be overgrown and koi-deficient in no time, just you watch. [Page Six, TMZ]

Caution, heartache lies ahead: Yesterday Glee's Lea Michele tweeted the following picture of Cory Monteith in honor of his birthday:

Meanwhile Ricky Gervais and Russell Crowe got wasted together, obviously:

Amid the veritable tsunami of celebrity Mother's Day tributes, the youngest celebrities had a major advantage. Namely, their mothers were more likely to have sported '90s hair when those celebrities were infants. Behold the perm on Selena Gomez's mother:

But how did Kellan Lutz spend Mother's Day, you've been frantically asking yourself all day? Well, he and his mom paid tribute to those kidnapped Nigerian girls, that's how.

(Side note: It's certainly a nice gesture for celebrities to be posing with these hash-tagged signs, but how unsettling are their 'serious' faces? All these 'serious' faces chill me to my bones and this Kellan Lutz one is no different. Sorry about this.)

Finally, here is Vampire Diaries star Steven R. McQueen (grandson of Steve McQueen) cleaning up after his dog had an accident on the carpet:

Good doggie.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.