Today in celebrity gossip: TMZ paid A LOT of money for that infamous security camera footage, Bryan Singer came out as bisexual, and Lil' Kim tweeted her baby registries to fans.
What is money? Where does it come from and what is it worth and what are we even supposed to do with it? Sure, money is easier to comprehend when it comes in small increments. Like, I know that two bucks is worth about one and a half packs of Starbursts. But if we're talking about more than, say, 85 dollars cash American, that's not even an amount of money anymore, that's just a concept. You know? Money is weird and it only gets weirder when there's a lot of it. But here is a story about a lot of money that you may find interesting, mostly because it involves Solange beating up Jay Z in an elevator. That whole incident came to light because some very unprofessional employee of The Standard Hotel in NYC held up a camera phone to a security monitor and the rest is TMZ click-bait history. First of all, just FYI, that very unprofessional employee was fired from The Standard, you should know that right now. Here's the hotel's official statement:
The Standard has identified the individual responsible for breaching the security policies of the hotel and recording the confidential CCTV video released by TMZ. The Standard has already terminated the individual and will now be pursuing all available civil and criminal remedies.
I don't think anybody will dispute that that employee deserved to be fired. But if you were that employee, exactly how much remorse could you possibly be feeling about your rule-floutin' considering you'd sold the footage to TMZ for $250,000? So yeah, strikethrough that earlier mention of "unprofessional" and write "enterprising" in its place. Was this act of footage-ganking immoral and shady? Yes, of course. Was it also maybe a modern-day Horatio Alger story about a quick-thinking rascal seizing an opportunity and walking away with cash-lined pockets? Yes as well. According to Page Six, this unnamed entrepreneur "shopped the footage around for five days before selling it to TMZ." Five days of making phone calls and then pulling in a quarter of a million dollars sure beats staring at security monitors for 6 years, right? Guys, look, I'm not endorsing breaking laws or defaming celebs or anything like that, but still. $250,000! That is SO MANY packs of Starburst. I'm honestly sort of impressed? Deal with it, Olivia Wilde. [Page Six]
Now that gay people are no longer considered depraved grotesqueries best relegated to the shadows (well, outside of Foxnews.com comments sections), what's the next put-upon sexual minority to demand recognition? My theory is it's the bisexuals' turn in the spotlight, but rather than ostensible straight people finally 'fessing up to their Kinsey-scale fence-straddling it'll be gay people who'll be reversing course and 'coming out' as bisexual! Hear me out. Actually I have nothing to back this theory up, nevermind, forget it. Oh wait, hold up, look who just came out as bisexual! Embattled director (and accused homosexual pedophile rapist) Bryan Singer! In an, uh, interesting interview with Out, the X-Men director sounded like a college freshman trying to explain his sexuality to an open-minded R.A. in a university-designated safe zone:
I’m quite bisexual. . . In the last five years, I’ve had two girlfriends — one for two years, one for eight months. If you look at the Kinsey Report, human sexuality is so complex. And the reason I’ve never talked about it to the press — until now — is because sexuality is so complex. . . In the end, it’s probably going to be a guy. I emotionally lean towards male relationships, so I’m happy to say I’m gay, too, if it’s a one-syllable, easy answer.
DOES THAT CLEAR THINGS UP? Good. So now everybody can go ahead and speculate about whether Bryan Singer is using the bisexuality label (which has been nearly ruined by countless generations of liars and prevaricators) to somehow distance himself from his reputation as a predatory homosexual or not. Who can say? But fingers-crossed that "I'm quite bisexual" will become the phrase of the summer. Put it on t-shirts, beer cozies, just everything, please. [Page Six]
Man, this is a bummer: The Oscar-winning director of the 2013 documentary Searching for Sugar Man has committed suicide. Swedish 36-year-old Malik Bendjelloul was found dead on Tuesday and now his brother has confirmed that he'd ended his life after a "short period" of depression. If you haven't seen Searching for Sugar Man, please do, it's great and uplifting in a way that this story will never be again. [Page Six]
Question for ladies who have given birth or who are maybe just experts in basic everyday etiquette: Is it considered polite for a wealthy pregnant celebrity to tweet her baby registries to over one million of her fans? Like, is that cool, or is it maybe considered gauche? Asking for Lil' Kim.
Bad news for people living vicariously through Drake and Rihanna's romance: It's over. (But p.s. is everything going okay in your life? Why are you living vicariously through Drake and Rihanna's romance?) The reason for their on-again-off-again romance reverting to the 'off' position? "Rihanna and Drake had another fight." That's according to Us Weekly's source who would know. But guess what the fight was about? "He is too in love with her." And that, my friends, is the silver lining of this otherwise darkly tragic scenario: Love has wafted from the room this day but could someday waft right back into the room and go up our noses and into our bodies and hug our hearts yet again. That's what love is and that's what love does. [Us Weekly]