Today in celebrity gossip: Certain hip hop artists are very wealthy, turmoil on the Glee set, and Courtney Love continues to be the wisest woman alive.
Quick question: What is money? How do people get it and then what does it do? Money makes no sense when you think about it and that fact becomes exponentially truer the higher the amount of money. Like, we may know how much $1 is worth (it's worth about four McNuggets) or even say, $9, which is worth a new and unused Ace of Base CD. But what is $700 million worth? How do we wrap our brains around that figure? Listen, gonna level with you, these are all rhetorical questions meant to delay the inevitable: Me informing you that Puff Daddy is worth $700 million. I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but it's true. According to Forbes Magazine, Puff Daddy is the current wealthiest "hip hop artist" of all time. (Scare quotes out of respect to actual hip hop and also artists.) Oh, and Daddy made roughly $120M last year alone after acquiring cable network Revolt, which is why he now has more money than the runner ups, Dr. Dre ($550M) and Jay Z ($520M). Dre's wealth is largely attributable to his co-ownership of the Beats by Dre headphone empire and Z's wealth is mostly to do with all the loose change that continues to fall out of Rick Rubin's beard. Anyway, yeah, today when you are going about your occasionally slavish existence and you happen to glance at your current student loan balance or credit card debt, please remember that Puff Daddy has $700 million and this is a fact best screamed into an abyss. [Us Weekly]
Despite the veritable waterfall of wealth flowing into certain artists' Swiss accounts, not all is glamorous and jubilant in the world of hip hop. Take this horrifying story about Wu-Tang Clan acolyte Christ Bearer's self-mutilation and suicide attempt earlier this week, for example. Apparently during a mental breakdown of some kind (which was not drug-fueled, according to witnesses), the rapper severed his own penis and then jumped off of the top of a two-story North Hollywood apartment complex. Well, despite the fact that he is still alive and in stable condition, he'll never make a full recovery as "doctors were unable to reattach his penis." They just weren't. There are limits to what doctors can do, and this was one of them. Sorry, nothing about this story is very cheerful in my opinion. [Page Six]
Glee is a television show that airs on the Fox channel and is currently only viewed by Entertainment Weekly interns, but at one point it was something that people cared about and paid attention to. For example, were you aware that it's now set entirely in New York and there is no longer any autotuned scream-singing in high school classrooms? Now there is only autotuned scream-singing in Manhattan lofts and dance studios. But it should go without saying that despite having statistically zero viewers, Glee's cast are still highly paid and "difficult." Specifically Naya Rivera and Lea Michele. TMZ reports that one time recently Lea Michele held up production by stealing away to make some phone calls and Rivera went "to producers and let them know — on behalf of everyone — that Lea was pissing off people." And then when Michele returned and heard about all the trash being talked about her she "left the set in a huff." But all that was according to Rivera's anonymous tipster friends, as Michele's anonymous tipster friends assure TMZ that the incident never happened, and anyway it was Rivera who "got tossed off the set." So was this 'they said, they said' incident more than just a tiff or does it have bigger implications for the actresses' employment status? TMZ goes there: "We got several tips claiming Naya was fired -- but Naya sources say that's just not true." So no. Everybody's fine. Expect some kind of torn-from-the-headlines, meta, wink-wink dance number between the two ladies where they scream-sing at each other for eleven minutes or whatever, who cares, it's Glee. [TMZ]
It doesn't matter if you loved or hated or were completely unaware of Lady Gaga's most recent album ARTPOP, all that you need to know now is that Courtney Love seems to be taking credit for its very existence. As the erstwhile Malaysian Airlines plane locator recently explained to London's Gay Times:
I’m friendly with [Lady Gaga]. She started hanging out with a lot of my art friends and I think it influenced her and that’s great but it doesn’t necessarily translate for the masses... She tried to take it on and sort of acclimate it into pop.
Nobody will doubt Courtney Love's enduring amazingness after all these years, but could this be a brand-tarnishing boast? Who would want to take credit for all those shrill keyboards? Celebrity Skin is one of the great underrated albums of its era. I realize that is a non-sequitur but that's where all this was headed anyway. I just wanted to talk about how good Celebrity Skin was and still is. Sure, Live Through This is perfect everybody knows that, but not enough people know that Celebrity Skin is also very, very good. #JusticeForCelebritySkin [Idolator]
Word began to circulate earlier this week that plans were afoot for a sequel to the Robin Williams fever dream nightmare Mrs. Doubtfire, mostly because the internet is currently under such a stranglehold by "90s kids" that any news related to things like Mrs. Doubtfire or Boy Meets World or Hocus Pocus lights up hearts and minds like a lit match thrown onto gasoline-soaked Gak™. But before anybody's hopes could soar too high, former child actor turned commentator-on-child-actors Mara Wilson immediately distanced herself from the project via social media: "For the record, no, I do not have anything to do with the Mrs. Doubtfire sequel, nor will I." Ouch, girl. But would it surprise you to know that unlike Wilson, one castmember in particular is STOKED AS H*CK to be getting back in the Mrs. Doubtfire saddle? Because when it comes to a Mrs. Doubtfire sequel Matthew Lawrence is 'bout it. It's probably best not to wonder what is the current state of Matthew Lawrence's career and just take to heart his enthusiasm: "Of course I would be on board. I hope they make the second as good as the first. The first was so good." It was not, Matthew Lawrence, but everybody is still very happy for you. In honor of this news, let us now all Google image search Matthew Lawrence like a bunch of creeps. [TMZ]
Rosie O'Donnell has been losing weight. A lot of it. Here, look:
If you're anything like Victoria Beckham, you recently spent the day lounging with a swimwear-clad David Beckham. Here, look:
Having a wonderful day with my family x vb pic.twitter.com/40VDZIAnRL— Victoria Beckham (@victoriabeckham) April 17, 2014
Lastly and mostly, here look at Kellan Lutz in workout attire feeding a kitten on the streets of Thailand: