The Rich Kids of Beverly Hills have Instagrammed their way into our hearts this season, teaching us the importance of saging your new house and the upside of Montezuma's Revenge. Last night's season finale brought us even more wisdom from the independently wealthy pals, who are both self- and selfie-aware. RKOBH was a surprisingly fascinating guilty-pleasure watch in large part because Morgan Stewart, Dorothy Wang — our very rich narrators — and their gang of friends know how ridiculous they are (at least half the time).
Here are our biggest takeaways from last night:
Lesson: Always Ask Rich Women For Things After Their Yoga Classes
"Didn't that feel great?" the rich woman who is your mother will ask, after you've finished a particularly satisfying Vinyasa class. She is vulnerable at this moment because she will have just finished shavasana, and all the stresses of her world will be lifted. Now is the time to tell her you're moving in with your boyfriend and ask that she not cut you off. Morgan actually didn't succeed with this strategy, but you might.
Lesson: Facebook Is Dead
Tech gurus and prophets have been telling us over and over that only dweebs and olds use Facebook now. And it's mostly fallen of deaf ears. Because, well, do you really want a tech writer to tell you what's allegedly hip and cool? No. If someone's going to tell us Facebook is uncool and un-hip we want it to come from the most narcissistic, image-obsessed people on the planet. And Morgan tells us that her Facebook page has "cobwebs" on it. Mark Zuckerberg, you've been warned.
Lesson: It’s Not a Relationship Until It’s Instagram Official™
Instagram is the current king of social media apps and has usurped stodgy old Facebook. Instead of updating a status, the current protocol to announce your potential mate is to take a selfie with them and post it on your account. When Dorothy gets a nice shot with new love Cooper at 1Oak, she doesn't hesitate. ("THAT'S OUR PHOTO!") When you know, you know. Post it.
Lesson: You Don't Really Know How Powerful or Rich You Are Until You Pull Off a Last-Minute Vegas Private Dinner at Nobu
"Your net worth is your network," Dorothy likes to say. What that means, is you need to be so rich people will want to do favors for you. You'll know you're rich in influence when you can successfully put in a call to Nobu two days before New Years Eve and wind up with a private dinner for you and your five closest friends. Eating at the sushi bar will not do.
Lesson: Credit Card Roulette Prevents Fights Over the Bill
Lesson: Vegas Is the One Time You Are Allowed to Wear Sparkles and Dress Like Tina Knowles Dressed You
Herve Leger bandage dresses are over, apparently. You might think that glittery, sequined club dresses are out, too, but Vegas on New Years is the one time you can pull this look off. You and your girlfriends should coordinate, but not match your outfits. You are Destiny's Child, and that one friend of yours is Michelle. Tina Knowles is smiling in the frame behind you. And the club is jumpin', jumpin'.
E!, give these kids hourlong episodes next season. Please. #somanyreasonsforonemoreseason