The Five Non-Negotiable Best Emojis in the Land

These are all you need to shut a hater down, tell your crush how you feel, and communicate the most important sentiment of all: "no." 

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While hot dog lovers have taken to the Internet to demand a new beef lozenge emoji, we prefer not to add the clutter. There are already so many emojis to choose from, and some of them mean nothing. (Seriously, there are four different "textbook" emojis. What is the point of that?) We've identified the five most essential, truly communicative emojis. They also happen to be the best. The best of the best. These are all you need to shut a hater down, tell your crush how you feel, and communicate the most important sentiment of all: "no."

#1: Nail Care

"Nail Care" is the Beyonce of emojis— superior and ever-changing. The origin story we would like to believe is that someone probably wanted an easy way to alert their friends that they were getting their nails done and created this emoji. Now, "nail care", can mean anything from shutting haters down to a sense of accomplishment;   a swift "I don't care" to a spa day.

Versatility: 10/10

Clarity: 9/10

Wit: 10/10

Novelty: 10/10

Total: 39/40

Possible uses:

#2 Ghost

This is not just a Halloween emoji. Ghost can be silly or macabre, and he is always ready to indicate whether work is killing us or our fling stopped responding to our texts. We like to think our poltergeist pal looks down on us from emoji heaven.

Versatility: 8/10

Clarity: 9/10 — Dead. This is pretty simple.

Wit: 8/10

Novelty: 9/10 — This emoji gets a lot of play around Halloween. That should not be the case.

Total: 35/40

Possible uses:

#3 Dancing Girls

Ok, so blown up to that size the dancing girls emoticon is a little psychotic-looking. But in their tiny size, they're actually a cute way to convey excitement or congratulations or, "this is why you're my friend."

Versatility: 6/10

Clarity: 7/10

Wit: 7/10

Novelty: 10/10

Total: 30/40

#4 Bae

Bae is the baby angel of emoji world, not to be confused with the "smiley face angel," which is dumb. Bae doesn’t represent a soul in the astral plane, but rather someone who is heaven on earth. This is what you send to your sweetheart. Conversely, bae can also be used ironically, to indicate that you’ve done something you know is ranky.

Versatility: 7/10

Clarity: 7/10

Wit: 8/10

Novelty: 6/10

Total: 28/40

Possible uses:

#5 No Girl

There are many ways to voice your displeasure online. "Eww" is probably the most common. But "No Girl" adds some texture to that denial. Part of that is because she looks like a sensible young woman who makes safe, if not good, decisions. Using "No Girl" is like a second opinion, because if No Girl doesn't like something, then you really know it's not a good idea. "No Girl" could also be used to voice general disapproval rather than a decisive no. I am sure editors at Vogue were using "No Girl" up and down in the lead-up to the Kimye cover.

Versatility: 4/10 — You can't really use this emoji to voice anything but nope. Its range is from a soft nope to a firm no way.

Clarity: 10/10

Wit: 7/10

Novelty: 4/10 — "No Girl" is betrayed by its cousins "Haircut Girl" and "How Can I Help You Girl" which probably takes some of the shine off of the emoji's luster.

Total: 28/40

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.