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March is Women's History Month, which means a lot of people – including President Barack Obama – are calling for greater gender equality in the workplace. Not everyone, though: the infamous "Princeton Mom" Susan Patton has been all over news networks promoting her archaic message of "find a husband now, ladies!" In an effort to explain just why people are paying attention to Patton, Jon Stewart brought on Senior Women's Issues Correspondent Kristen Schaal. 

It's difficult to see why people are taking Patton seriously. Her ideas about gender roles and marriage are antiquated and asinine. Yet TV news networks apparently don't think so. Stewart ran down all the shows she's been on recently: "CNN's Newsroom, MSNBC's Morning Joe, NBC's Today Show, Fox Business's Money with Melissa Francis, Fox's America Live, and Fox's America's Newsroom." That is a lot of air time for a woman who tells young women things like "Work will wait, your fertility won't ... Here's what no body is telling you: find a husband on campus before you graduate. Yes, I went there."

"You went where?" Stewart asked. "To the 19th Century?"

If we're to pay attention to Patton, as the media clearly wants us to, Kristen Schaal saw the writing on the wall: "My dewy, adorable days are in the rearview mirror," she lamented. "Why didn't I plan ahead?"

Really, she should've taken example from Today's Savannah Guthrie. Shortly after Patton went on the show, Guthrie announced she got married and was four months pregnant. "[Patton's] book was such a wake up call, Savannah Guthrie got married, lost her virginity, and became four months pregnant in six days," Schaal said. "She's one of the lucky ones. Too many girls have been seduced by the feminist lie that women over 30 are remotely doable." 

"This is no fairy tale," Schaal told Stewart. "These are facts, based on opinion. And women need to hear it."

In fact, the message needs to be taken to girls even younger than college age. Which is why Schaal is launching "K Date" – so kindergarten girls can "start the husband hunt before they're all gone."

Comedy Central

After all, Patton's message is clear: "Men are terrible creatures, get one as soon as you can!"

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.

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