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As Jon Stewart said last night, "We strive to cover the issues of greatest consequence to you, the American people: healthcare, the economy, aging, penises. But only rarely do we find a story that encompasses all of these issues at once." That story? Medicare-covered penis pumps. 

With so much Congressional debate and outrage dedicated to government-mandated birth control for women, Jon Stewart deemed it prudent to send Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee to investigate. 

The problem so many people have with the contraception mandate, you see, is that they believe the government shouldn't be paying for a woman's sexual choices and behavior. Or as Mike Huckabee says, "[women] are helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and providing for them a prescription for birth control." They're outraged! GOP lawmakers has already tackled the issue 40 times this year.  

They don't care that many healthcare professionals consider birth control a medical necessity. They don't care that women use oral contraception for more than simply preventing pregnancies. The government shouldn't be paying for people to have sex ... right?

Except, of course, for the millions spent on erectile disfunction medication. Medicare, the government-funded health insurance program for seniors, spent $172 million on penis pumps in the past 5 years. Hey, they're not cheap: at $360 a pop, did you really expect America's elderly men to pay for them out-of-pocket?

Has this government-funded sex caused any Congressional outrage? Nope. Because if you think about it, it's really quite a bargain. Bee explains: "So for less than a dollar a day, a man can restore the glory of his erection? That's amazing." Forget women's sexual health – the government is getting a great deal on instant erections. And you know, the 60- and 70-year-old men in Congress just might have a vested interest in the issue. Maybe. We're not implying anything. 

And you could say it's the government's duty to pay for these penis pumps. "These are hard-working American penises, should we really be abandoning them at the end of their careers?" Bee asked. 

It's about doing a service to elderly Americans when they need it most. The government paying for women's sexual health? Outrageous! The government paying to give elderly men erections? A necessity! As Bee said, "Some of these penises belong to veterans."

Support our troops. 

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.

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