Bracket of the Day: Best Twitter

Twitter is so big and varied that you might not follow any of the people in today's bracket contest, but that's your own loss.

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In honor of March, the bracket-iest month of the year, The Wire decided to go all out and create a tournament for everything. Every weekday for the rest of the month, we're presenting a different tournament to determine the very best thing in a given field. And we're doing it the way that God intended: Bracket showdowns.

Bracket Madness. A new bracket, every weekday of March.

[ Vote now ] [ Our picks ]

We picked the field, but you vote for the winner. Fill out our interactive bracket, round-by-round, to determine the people's champion, then read through our choices to find out who we think is the best of the best. Each day is a new champion!

Twitter is funny in that your experience whole experience is determined by the people you choose to follow. Choose boring, bad people, and yes, Twitter will be nothing updates from that kid in high school who's ready for a night out with his bros, or that girl who uses Instagram filters on her PBJ to compensate for her sadness.

If you manage follow the better people, you're privy to secret treasures like: Nancy Grace's uncouth hashtags (#oceanmom), or RuPaul handing out political commentary, or Chuck Grassley admitting to deer murder. It really can a beautiful place.

Twitter is so big and varied that you might not follow any of the people in today's bracket contest, but that's your own loss. This collection is the best of the best of our Twitter experience and we just add to figure out the champion via our March Madness ... Madness. Check out our tweeting tributes and help us determine the best Twitter account in the land:

The Contenders

@AndieMacdowell3 (Andie MacDowell): Who knew Andie MacDowell was so weirdly fun? 

@ArianaGrande (Ariana Grande): Youngest and most powerful member of Illuminati. Teen dream.

@BrandiGlanville (Brandi Glanville): Her IRL messiness and mild incoherence translates beautifully to Twitter where she get in random fights with fans of the show.

@BrianStelter@JamieStelter (The Stelters): A dual entry because you can't follow one without the other. Now that they're married, they're destined to become one of Twitter's most powerful power couples.

@BuzzFeedBen (Ben Smith): Leader of Buzzfeed and according to some, fighting for your soul. 

@chanelpuke: Whoever this genius is, he or she speaks from the heart and spouts universal truths:

@Cher (Cher): Is Cher. 

@ChrissyTeigen (Chrissy Teigen): Spouse of John Legend. Sports Illustrated model. Will not be bullied into not being naked. 

@ChuckGrassley (U.S. Senator Chuck Grassley) Senator. Deerslayer. (We assume.)

@darrenrovell (Darren Rovell): It's considered an achievement in NBA 2k14 when ESPN's Darren Rovell tweets about you. IRL Twitter, he's just a super sincere dude (maybe too sincere). 

@darthA kingmaker. You are not anyone on Twitter unless Darth photoshops something on you, or something for you. 

@realDonaldTrump (Donald Trump): A kingmaker. You are not anyone until Donald Trump declares you a loser.  

@AskDrRuth (Dr. Ruth):

And this:

@dril (Dril): The Meryl Streep of Twitter. 

@DylanByers (Dylan Byers): Byers, is, umm, entertaining:

@JoseCanseco (Jose Canseco): By all accounts, probably should not have a Twitter account. 

@JudyBlume (Judy Blume): Completely adorable woman who is the author of Blubber

@KellyOxford (Kelly Oxford): Funny person. 

@KobeBryant (Kobe Bryant): Future Hall of Fame basketball star who is completely candid on Twitter:

@Max_Read (Max Read): He seems nice. (Also a soul fighter.)

@NancyGraceHLN (Nancy Grace): Creator of the best hashtags Twitter has ever seen. #muderforpizza

@Paleofuture (Matt Novak): Hey, guys, have you ever seen the movie Quiz Show?

@PourMeCoffee:  Self-described "blurter." who just gives good links all day. The kind of Twitter account we all want to have when we grow up. 

@Regis (Regis Philbin): His first (and best) tweet:  "Vote for Regis." 

@RichardDeitsch (Richard Deitsch): If what you read on a daily basis were a nightclub, you'd want Deitsch to be your bouncer. He keeps out the riff-raff.

@rilaws (Richard Lawson): Just because Richard has left The Wire doesn't mean we stop following him on Twitter. 

@RobDelaney (Rob Delaney): Another funny person. 

@RuPaul (RuPaul): The most powerful drag queen in the universe.   

@rupertmurdoch (Rupert Murdoch): Old man yells at things. Still figuring it out. 

@USmint (U.S. Mint): They tweet about coins.

@TheStalwart (Joe Weisenthal) Never goes to sleep. Always on Twitter. Probably part-cyborg. 

@ZeroHedge: Anonymous financials blogger collective that never met a conspiracy it did try to scare the crap out of everyone with.

Your vote: @TheStalwart

The Wire Picks

Round of 32

Murdoch vs. Trump: Murdoch wins this, because while Trump is an expert troller of liberals, Murdoch's "WTF?" factor is more organic and far more genuine. Winner: Murdoch

Darth vs. Pour Me Coffee: This is like picking between two adorable children. If and when it comes to it, you go with the cuter one. Darth has the cuter avatar. Pour Me Coffee is finished. Winner: Darth

RuPaul vs. Cher: RuPaul, shantay you stay. Winner: RuPaul

Chanel Puke vs. Dril: Chanel Puke scares me less, speaks to me more. Winner: Chanel Puke

Stalwart vs. Zero Hedge: We give this victory to the man who never sleeps. Winner: Stalwart

Andie MacDowell vs. Judy Blume: MacDowell is totally weirder than we expected. But Judy Blume has a legacy. Blume's the sentimental favorite here. Winner: Judy Blume

US Mint vs. Chrissy Teigen: U.S. Mint puts up a worthy fight... ok, not really. Everybody loves Teigen. Winner: Chrissy Teigen

Darren Rovell vs. Richard Deitsch: Somedays it seems like Deitsch was only put on this Earth to keep Rovell (and his ESPN buddies) in line. He's doing an excellent job. Winner: Richard Deitsch

The Stelters vs. Richard Lawson: Lawson brings the laughs. Stelter/Shupak are worthy opponents, who probably would win if this were an Instagram battle. Winner: Lawson

Brandi Glanville vs. Chuck Grassley: While both of them have delivered plenty of bizarre, nonsensical meltdown, Grassley is the one who got elected to Congress. Winner: Grassley

Dylan Byers vs. Ariana Grande: A media reporter vs. a pop star. What do you think?Winner: Grande

Buzzfeed Ben vs. Max Read: No haters vs. all haters. Winner: Read

Regis Philbin vs. Paleofuture: Regis wins, because you must vote for Regis. Winner: Philbin

Dr. Ruth vs. Jose Canseco: One gives you solid life advice. We'll go with her. Winner: Dr. Ruth

Nancy Grace vs. Kobe Bryant: The undisputed queen of the hashtags makes easy work of the Black Mamba. Winner: Nancy Grace

Kelly Oxford vs. Rob Delaney: We flipped a coin. Oxford won. Winner: Oxford

The Sweet 16

Murdoch vs. Darth: For all we know, Murdoch could be Darth. And Darth could be Murdoch. And Finkle is Einhorn. Or something. Either way, Darth is better. Winner: Darth

RuPaul vs. Chanel Puke: Chanel probably watches Drag Race, making RuPaul's loss sting a little less. Winner: Chanel

The Stalwart vs. Judy Blume: Ms. Blume wrote Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing. Joe makes jokes about manufacturing productivity.  Winner: Blume

Chrissy Teigen vs. Richard Deitsch: Chrissy Teigen, sometimes we can't with you. Winner: Deitsch

Richard Lawson vs. Chuck Grassley: While both are "funny", the humor derived from Grassley's Twitter feed is mostly unintentional. Winner: Lawson

Ariana Grande vs. Max Read: Grande takes no prisoners. Winner: Grande

Philbin vs. Dr. Ruth: Dr. Ruth has a much better grasp of the Twitter game, in that she is aware that she actually has a Twitter account. Winner: Dr. Ruth

Oxford vs. Grace: Grace takes this. Wants to go all the way with #boxofinfants. Winner: Grace

The Elite Eight

Darth vs. Chanel Puke: Puke's universal appeal wins out. Sometimes Darth's humor can be a bit of an inside joke, not necessarily a bad thing when you're in on the joke. Winner: Chanel Puke

Judy Blume vs. Richard Deitsch: Deitsch would be a gentleman and allow Blume to advance. Winner: Blume

Richard Lawson vs. Ariana Grande: Lawson takes this (for now). Outcome will be different in a few years when Grande becomes the leader of the illuminati.Winner: Richard Lawson

Dr. Ruth vs. Nancy Grace: Dr. Ruth is not a match for Nancy's #toofattokill and #hotcupofpoison. Winner: Grace

Final Four

Chanel Puke vs. Judy Blume: Judy Blume probably thinks Chanel is funny. They're good friends in some fantasy world. Winner: Puke

Richard Lawson vs. Nancy Grace: #PotandTots. Richard shakes his head, walks out, has a cigarette. Defaults. Winner: Grace


Puke vs. Grace: Nancy is a one-trick pony. A magical, beautiful pony with one majestic trick (#fetussnatcher). But Chanel is the winner here. #multimediatriplethreat

Winner: Chanel Puke

Click here to see all our previous tournaments!

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.