Today in celebrity gossip: Singer Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are calling it a day, Miley Cyrus does not care for tabloids, and Amanda Bynes' DUI charge has been sorted out.
At some point, the rumors became fever-pitch: Robin Thicke, singer of ubiquitous ode to sexual impropriety "Blurred Lines," was maaaybe getting too close with too many sexy ladies to be properly faithful to his wife, actress Paula Patton. There were the photo-op gropings, the Miley Cyrus dry-humpings, the topless models in his music videos, all manner of rumor and innuendo about groupies: Plenty of fodder for gossip columnists everywhere. Well, congratulations, everybody. The world makes sense and Robin Thicke has now separated from Paula Patton! The married parents of a 3-year-old son have split after eight years and Us Weekly's source claims they both saw it coming: "It is not a shock to Robin or Paula, and it is something they have discussed for a long time." Page Six took the occasion to remind us that they'd proudly reported the story of a woman getting groped by Thicke in a picture last August and that same woman had gone on to admit that she and Thicke had hooked up shortly after the photo was taken. In January, Thicke was also "spotted flirting with a big-haired beauty" in a Parisian nightclub, which, you know, very incriminating. Patton had even mentioned in an interview that back in 2005 before she'd married Thicke she'd once hidden "in the bushes outside Thicke’s house when she suspected him of cheating." Romance of the century, basically. Oh well, hopefully everyone will be fine and the world will continue hurdling ever onward into the cold blackness of space. [Page Six, Us Weekly]
Okay, yes, fine, everybody writes about Miley Cyrus a lot lately, but her newest career phase has been especially focused on getting internet clicks and man alive is she brilliant at it. Putting aside whatever sexual mores you have or expect young celebrities to observe, Cyrus still seems funny, engaged, and confident in a way that makes her much less worrisome and much more entertaining than her peers. Take yesterday, for example, when she took to Twitter to personally shoot down some scurrilous tabloid stories about her. First up, here's Cyrus' reaction to Star's claim that she'd been angling to play Tinkerbell in NBC's live Peter Pan special:
I would rather choke on my own tongue pic.twitter.com/fVUQTCwrb9— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) February 24, 2014
Haha fair enough. The character of Tinkerbell is, as a Jezebel commenter might say, problematic. Plus, a live NBC musical might garner high ratings but it'd still be slumming for a pop star of Cyrus' current trajectory. Next, she called out an obviously fabricated story:
Btw this is photoshopped. Biebs wasn't at Pharrels bday party. I never read this shit & that's why. pic.twitter.com/MQQPPXHbYn— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) February 24, 2014
It's especially satisfying watching Cyrus take on these kinds of reports, if only because she's turned into such a publicity expert that it seems downright foolhardy for these amateurs to try and get one past her. Nice try, bozos. [E! Online]
You know, obviously Bono turned into some kind of do-gooder cartoon early last decade, but it's hard to deny that he's pretty wonderful. Like, yeah, those sunglasses and all those phoned-in albums U2's been making since Zooropa. But still, couldn't we all use someone as decent as Bono in our lives? He seems so chill and cool and probably always knows the best ways to deal with serious situations. Here's Liam Neeson on how Bono helped his sons deal with the death of their mother, Natasha Richardson:
Bono is a pal, and he came 'round to have a dinner. And I remember he was sitting beside Micheal and, just out of the blue, he said, "What age are you Micheal?" Micheal said, "Thirteen." And [Bono] said, "Yeah, that's the age I was when I lost my mum." That was it. And it -- I -- I could've kissed him for it. He was, like, saying, 'You know, I lost my mom at this age and I'm doing okay. And you will do okay, too.'
More like Amanda Is-Doing-Fynes, am I right? (Sorry.) Anyway, now that former actress Amanda Bynes has returned to the safe and healthy life of a private citizen, the loose ends of her past legal troubles have started to finally get tied up in neat bows. One of the biggest question marks involved her 2012 DUI arrest in West Hollywood, the one that stripped her of a drivers license and hastened her grim NYC chapter of tangled wigs, bong-throwing, and Drake-tweeting. According to TMZ, Bynes (through her lawyer) pled guilty to a lesser offense, the charmingly termed plea of "wet reckless," which "does not have the serious consequences of DUI" and merely entails "3 years probation, a 3-month alcohol ed course, and various fines." (Wait, that sounds like a DUI though?) Anyway, the plea proves that Bynes has been eager to rectify her past issues and the punishments shouldn't shake up Bynes' current life living with her parents and attending classes. So, good for her. Probably don't need to gossip about her anymore, right? I mean, at least this was good news and brings us a measure of closure? And we can leave her alone now? I don't know. [TMZ]
In the most riveting and entertaining project Eddie Murphy's been involved with in a while, a young comedian named Brando Murphy had been kinda-sorta claiming to be Murphy's son onstage. According to TMZ, the younger "Murphy" actually changed his last name to match Eddie's, and even toured alongside Richard Pryor's son under the banner of "The Sons of Comedy Tour." Anyway, after Eddie Murphy's lawyers sent a fairly reasonable legal threat to the younger comedian to stop doing things like this, the younger Murphy has taken his rudeness to the next level by suing Eddie Murphy for, among other things, harassment, defamation and the allegation that "one of Eddie's people threatened to have him killed." Brando Murphy further defended the use of the name "Murphy" by pointing out that Eddie Murphy himself is using the name inappropriately: "The name Murphy is of Irish decent ... and not exclusive to Eddie Murphy, a 'Black Man' of African Ancestry and a purported African American." Haha perfect defense. Oh, and I probably should've mentioned this sooner: The lawsuit seeks $50 million in damages! So, it's a very reasonable lawsuit in a slam-dunk case. What will Brando Murphy buy with all that guaranteed loot? Female fat-suits? A giant Meet Dave head? The Oscar that Eddie Murphy was unjustly denied for Dreamgirls? The sky is truly the limit. [TMZ]
Look, maybe your Tuesday is going great so far. Maybe you've just received great news at work. Maybe you just found out your crush likes you back. Maybe you've checked items off your to-do list at an impressive pace while maintaining a positive mental attitude despite a reasonable level of mental exhaustion. Congratulations! But if your day is not going great, here are at least two things that might help. First of all, Oprah took her first selfie and it involves Idris Elba:
Second of all, here are words of commiseration from no less than a living legend:
Ever have a “Suck” Day ? Well you’re NOT ALONE— Cher (@cher) February 24, 2014
You are NOT ALONE, everybody. Cher is with you. Always.