Miley Cyrus Mouth-Attacked Katy Perry in Front of Everybody

Today in celebrity gossip: The opening night of Miley Cyrus' BANGERZ tour was unsurprisingly tawdry, Justin Bieber may or may not be receiving a plea deal, and Sam Worthington is momentarily interesting again.

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Today in celebrity gossip: The opening night of Miley Cyrus' BANGERZ tour was unsurprisingly tawdry, Justin Bieber may or may not be receiving a plea deal, and Sam Worthington is momentarily interesting again.

Hi, guess what? Listen. One time back in the '90s, Billy Ray Cyrus took a break from singing his terrible novelty crossover hit to welcome a precious baby girl into the world. Named Destiny Cyrus, this child's primary destiny was to change her name to Miley, and her secondary destiny was to unveil perhaps the most insane live concert experience in recent memory during which she'd briefly pause from a hit single so that she could spider down into the crowd and tongue-kiss Katy Perry. And so it came to pass that this particular destiny was finally fulfilled last Friday night! Cyrus' Los Angeles stop on her BANGERZ tour found a metric ton of celebrities in attendance to witness all the spangles and spectacle (and a duet with The Flaming Lips' Wayne Coyne, obviously), but it was this brief moment that made all the blogs:

Yep, Cyrus stooped into the crowd, summoned professional upstaging victim Katy Perry, and mouth-attacked her with the swift precision of Britney Spears on Opposite Day. To be fair, Katy Perry did NOT mind, at least according to this post-attack Tweet:

So there you have it: Today's biggest news item. Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry kissed on the mouth and there's literally nothing anybody can do about it. Despite Cyrus' inspired, surgically precise trolling of the entire world these past few months, early word is that her tour is legitimately amazing. I mean, come on, a slowed-down (and lovely!) cover of Outkast's "Hey Ya"? Oh, absolutely. Anyway, big night for Miley Cyrus! Meanwhile Katy Perry was booed offstage in Milan. [Page Six, Page Six]

You may not remember who Sam Worthington is, because as an actor he's forgettable even when you're laying eyes on him. But here's the gist: He was in Avatar. Ring a bell? Avatar is the #1 grossing movie of all time that nobody particularly wants to see again. Anyway, for the first time in perhaps ever, Sam Worthington can officially be considered interesting! Yesterday the Australian alleged actor "belted a freelance paparazzo in the face" after said camera-ghoul "kicked the actor’s girlfriend" Lara Bingle. Both the paparazzo and Worthington were charged with assault, but Worthington was merely "given a desk appearance ticket and released." Meanwhile, People has been openly speculating about whether Worthington and Bingle are in fact boyfriend-girlfriend or just straight-up married. Lately they've been wearing bands on their ring fingers, and Bingle even 'grammed a "steamy selfie" with Worthington with their matching rings visible. But don't worry, none of this matters because you and I and probably even Sam Worthington have already forgotten who Sam Worthington is again. Oh well. Let's agree to care about him again whenever Avatar 2 comes out. [Page Six, People]

Two things you may not have known about Girls creator Lena Dunham: Her current boyfriend, Fun-period guitarist Jack Antonoff used to date Scarlett Johansson, and also Lena Dunham was once fired from her role on HBO's Todd Haynes miniseries Mildred Pierce. In a recent interview with Grantland's Bill Simmons, the polarizing charmer recounted both stories in the patented self-deprecating terms you've come to expect of Dunham. For instance, she'd been reading a popular Tumblr devoted to broken-up celebrities where she was faced with a rude reminder that her own boyfriend is considered famous and had dated a famous person prior to her. Happens to the best of us! Later she described a pre-Girls-in-the-zeitgeist time when Dunham under-delivered in her role as a nurse on Mildred Pierce and "I got fired off the one day I did... Fired might be a rough word but I got sweetly dismissed." These have been two things you may not have known about Girls creator Lena Dunham! [Us Weekly, People]

Selena Gomez recently had the audacity to re-wear a scarf and boots she'd worn a day earlier, apparently ignorant to the gossip law that dictates celebrities can never, ever wear the same thing twice while paparazzi are following them around, not even accessories or shoes. This law is unwavering and inflexible, much like the law that states celebrities are "flaunting" their bodies/baby bumps by wandering into the path of a telephoto lens. Or the law in which declining to wear a full face of makeup while going about mundane daily activities somehow constitutes a bold fashion decision. Whoops, sorry for beating around the bush with all these cryptic statements, let's be clear: Daily Mail is awful. [Daily Mail]

Oh no. No no no. It has begun. The voodoo apocalypse we all knew was possible but never dreamed would happen during our lifetimes? It's happening. The voodoo apocalypse is happening and, as expected, it involves Rosie Perez. While out promoting her new autobiography (and exercise in putting J.Lo on blast) Handbook for an Unpredictable Life, Rosie Perez bore witness to the spontaneous combustion of a voodoo doll! According to Page Six's source, "A fan brought a small voodoo doll" to the book party and left it on one of the tables where it promptly burst into flames. "Everyone was screaming." Rosie Perez apparently rushed over to check it out but promptly stepped back because no way. Rosie Perez does not trifle with flaming voodoo dolls. That is just one thing Rosie Perez does not do. Anyway, yeah. Be sure to notarize your wills because we're all in major trouble. [Page Six]

Oh, I hope you didn't think we were done talking about Miley Cyrus today! If by some freak chance you were not among the crowd on Friday night's BANGERZ show at the Staples Center, then there are worse ways for you to spend the next few minutes than watching this video of Cyrus' borderline flabbergasting entrance. Ladies and gentlemen, this here is just a little thing we in the business call showmanship:

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