Lindsay Lohan Hangs Out in Nightclubs While Sober Like Some Kind of Weirdo

Today in celebrity gossip: Lindsay Lohan can be trusted around drugs and alcohol, Emma Stone's naked selfie is not actually of Emma Stone, and Stevie Nicks is a certified geek.

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Today in celebrity gossip: Lindsay Lohan can be trusted around drugs and alcohol, Emma Stone's naked selfie is not actually of Emma Stone, and Stevie Nicks is a certified geek.

Everybody knows that nightclubs are like little pockets of hell that dot the thriving metropolises in an otherwise wonderful world. Terrible places where nothing good has ever happened, nightclubs nonetheless remain popular with youth who have nothing better to do than drink literal poison while dancing badly in unflattering clothing to unlistenable music. And Lindsay Lohan is 'BOUT IT. Yes, the frequently rehabbed Lohan is currently sober and, according to Page Six, "laying low to concentrate on her movie career," but that doesn't mean she's stopped visiting these exclusive havens of mean-spirited cacophony on an almost nightly basis. A particularly nosy source even informed Page Six that just this week Lohan was spotted at "Tuesday Baby Tuesday party at Lower East Side nightclub Finale" (which, quick question, was the source SNL's Stefon?). While your first instinct might be that of relief that Lohan is enough in control of her addictions that she can be around alcohol without indulging, I'd like to ask you this question: What kind of weirdo would choose to spend more than ten seconds in a nightclub sober? That sounds like a truly terrible time. Should we stop worrying about Lohan's drinking problems and start worrying about her mental problems? Anyway, one more Lohan thing: Her lawyer has just issued a sternly worded letter to the Fox News Channel after one of its talking heads alleged Lohan had done coke with her mom Dina Lohan. Lindsay Lohan did NOT do coke with her mom, everybody. That is an outrageous allegation. Lindsay Lohan is on the wagon and Dina Lohan can't afford coke. Don't get it twisted. [Page Six, TMZ]

More like Us Wingmen, am I right? (I don't know.) But look, here is an example of a tabloid using its powers for good: Us Weekly recently took a quick break from its ghoulish exploitation of celebrities' personal lives to brighten the days of a couple of hunky Olympians. First up, after recently goading USA Olympic Freestyle Skier Torin Yater-Wallace into creating a hastily-scrawled valentine for Taylor Swift, Us Weekly surprised him by arranging for the singer to record a personal message to him:

Sure, Swift didn't get overly personal with it, and why should she? Until Yater-Wallace is a certified celebrity with the potential to bring Swift both publicity and an ensuing song-inspiring breakup, let there be no pretense of a love connection. Still though, it's hard not to root for the skier to get that jacuzzi sesh. Meanwhile Team USA Olympic Skier Nick Goepper had a humbler wish list for his celebrity video crush, Emma Stone:

Aw, just five minutes of face time? That's adorable. And also I loved his geeky appreciation for one of her best films: "Oh, I'm a total fan of…Easy A… gorgeous gorgeous performance." Ugh, love this guy. But yeah, Emma Stone's video was similarly businesslike, and that is okay. She still pretty much wins the day, that's how charming and charismatic she is. So credit where credit's due: This celebrity video surprise thing is a fun exercise and it's nice to see Us Weekly using its connections to do things like this. I smiled. Did you smile? Smiling is fun, it turns out! [Us Weekly, Us Weekly]

Speaking of Emma Stone (which we should do more of, just in general), recently a naked selfie hit the 'net and everybody speculated that it was of Emma Stone! TMZ has a censored version and it's definitely not clear who exactly appears in that photo. The naked woman's haircut is certainly very Emma Stone-esque, as well as the (Photoshopped?) cat-eye makeup and perhaps even the shape of her face and slightly awkward body language. But please be advised that this naked selfie of Emma Stone is NOT actually Emma Stone! According to TMZ's "source close to Emma," the naked photo is "just not her." No further evidence or explanation is offered, nor does it need to be. On the other hand, it's not an unattractive picture, so perhaps Emma Stone should be flattered? I mean, don't go getting out your nice Thank You stationery for this one, Emma Stone, but still. Your naked doppelganger's lookin' pretty good? It's worth at least a half-smile. [TMZ]

If you live in Los Angeles, you may appreciate this local Dynasty-type saga: In 2008 Rocky Aoki, founder of the Benihana chain of hot table restaurants, passed away leaving a $35 million fortune to be eventually split among six children (including model/actress Devon Aoki and L.A. party scene DJ Steve Aoki). But now everything's turned messy as "all six kids are appealing a 2013 ruling that awarded [Aoki's widow] Keiko sole power over the fortune," and she's now allegedly moved to "boot their lawyers" from the estate dispute. Turns out all six kids want that family trust money NOW, particularly the four lesser-known siblings, and they even managed to "loot $3 million from a trust fund when Rocky was on his deathbed." Yikes. Meanwhile, according to Forbes, Steve Aoki is one the world's highest paid DJs and pulled in around $26 million between 2012 and 2013. So, uh, I don't know what you should do with that information except maybe feel very, very depressed? Sorry, everybody. [Page Six]

When American Horror Story: Coven recently reminded us of Stevie Nicks' awesomeness, I had been under the impression that her relative obscurity of late owed to her general coolness and preference for laying low. You know? Like, Stevie Nicks had spent the greater part of a decade just walking the earth and tracing sigils at the moon and enjoying an occasional Fleetwood Mac reunion without the need to be in the public spotlight constantly. But it turns out she'd just been sitting in her TV room turning into a genuine, gold star GEEK the whole time. In a new interview with RadioTimes, Nicks unleashed a hundred Tumblr fangirls' worth of passion for Game of Thrones, openly asked the universe to allow her to write music for it, and even went so far as to make this hilariously nerdy admission: "I’ve written a bunch of poetry about it — one for each of the characters. On Jon Snow… on Arya… on Cersei… on Cersei and Jaime, the blonde on blonde… on Khaleesi." Stevie Nicks has written Game of Thrones poetry, everybody. But it's quite alright if that quote didn't make you flush with vague embarrassment, because Game of Thrones certainly is worthy of that kind of adoration. But then listen to what Stevie Nicks said next: "I’m always looking for that kind of inspiration, and I’m very inspired by [Game of Thrones] — as I was very inspired by Twilight." TWILIGHT. Man, maybe somebody should stage an intervention for Stevie Nicks? Just unplug her VHS player, she is not well. [E! Online]

[CAUTION: VERY NSFW] Please enjoy this white hot, scandalous photo of One Direction's Harry Styles FULLY NAKED. Just all kinds of nude and naked and sexily bare. Yes, Harry Styles, a lanky, pale totem of sexual charisma with nothing to cover his alabaster skin but several dozen terrible tattoos! Just be sure to take your heart meds first, because this one is a pulse pounder:

You're welcome.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.