Like me, millions of fellow red-blooded American men are gearing up for the veritable apex of manliness: Super Bowl Sunday. I’ve long been dreaming of the countless buffalo wings to be dismantled, burgers to be charred, bets to be won, and kegs to be pumped. I’m also thinking about baking some kale chips.
Something strange has happened to the American man. In recent years, much ink has been devoted to shattering the conventional image of what adult males are like. And with each passing moment, we continue to be exposed for who really are. Last week, a far-reaching survey released by Esquire magazine produced more surprising results. Of over 1,000 American men polled, almost 70 percent confessed that they don’t really like going to strip clubs. Nearly half of those surveyed also admitted that they enjoy shopping for new clothes.
This revelation came as a relief because I've been going to bachelor parties for years and judging from the vacant looks on my friends' faces at gentlemen’s clubs, I've suspected they'd rather be checking out the racks at J. Crew instead. Maybe now we can all talk about it openly.
This new profile of the American man might not be what you'd expect: Of course, the guys will still be guys, but they are also golf-adverse, constantly moisturizing men who are more blasé about sports and say “I love you” all the time. As I read on, I started to worry that a massive cultural transition had completely passed me by. Sure, like over 70 percent of men, I love to cook dinner for my family and friends, but am I some kind of savage because I haven't cried in the last month like almost 40 percent of men? What's next? Pizza with a knife and fork?