Last year, I saw every single film that was nominated for an Academy Award of any kind. Even the shorts. It was the first time I'd ever accomplished such a feat of completism.
I write this not to brag but to illustrate my VERY REAL dilemma. Now that I've watched all the Oscar-nominated films in a year and felt that heady rush of self-satisfaction, I can't ever go back. Which means I now have to look at Thursday's impending Oscar nominations with a wary sense of battle-readiness. These aren't just nominations anymore. They're marching orders. Which means not only am I hoping for the best films and performances I saw all year to be nominated; I'm also hoping a handful of movies that I really, really, really don't want to see will not get nominated.
I offer this up, then, as a kind of prayer. Or an invocation. Dear Oscar voters/Ernst & Young tabulators: cut an Oscar blogger a break here, huh? Can we steer clear of the following ...
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa
What It Might Get Nominated For: It's made the shortlist for the Best Makeup and Hairstyling award, and given that category's historical fondness for old-age prosthetics, it stands a very good chance of being this year's Norbit (in the sense that it's a dumb Oscar-nominated movie, not in the sense that its existence kept Johnny Knoxville from winning an Oscar).
Why I Don't Want to Watch It: More power to you if the Jackass movies are your thing. They are not my thing. To the extent that they ever were my thing, the parts where Johnny Knoxville would dress up like an old man/woman and then start freaking out the squares by doing rude or age-inappropriate stuff was extra-specially not my thing.
What I'd Rather See Nominated Instead: If the Academy insists on nominating a garbage-y movie in this category, why not make it one I've already scene, on what was essentially a dare: Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters.