Katy Perry's Breast Enlargement Procedure Performed by Almighty God

Today in celebrity gossip: Katy Perry finally breaks her silence about her upper chest area, positive progress for several hard-living celebrities, and Eddie Murphy does NOT appreciate comedians pretending to be his son.

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Today in celebrity gossip: Katy Perry finally breaks her silence about her upper chest area, positive progress for several hard-living celebrities, and Eddie Murphy does NOT appreciate comedians pretending to be his son.

Not that it is of even the slightest interest to anybody at all, but singer Katy Perry has a voluptuous figure, particularly uptown if you catch my drift. (My drift is currently referring to Katy Perry's bust size.) But again, that's simply not the type of thing anybody notices or thinks much about, particularly when it comes to a platinum-selling ARTIST. I mean, why would that fact even matter? The lady's got pipes, presence, and talent to spare. But hypothetically, yes, Katy Perry does have a generously sized bosom and these wares occasionally show up prominently in Perry's exhaustive branding. Like the time she sprayed whipped cream from them for a few years, or the time she made an uplifting music video in which fireworks seemed to be spilling out of her brassiere. So yes, in those circumstances, sure. Take a look. Over the years maybe some creeps have taken note of Katy Perry's upper chest area or her fastidiously maintained decolletage and wondered just which talented Beverly Hills surgeon bestowed upon Perry these gifts that keep on giving. The answer, it turns out, is THE LORD. Or, as Perry recently explained to GQ:

I lay on my back one night and looked down at my feet, and I prayed to God. I said, "God, will you please let me have boobs so big that I can't see my feet when I'm lying down?" God answered my prayers.

She does work in mysterious ways. But Katy Perry boasts of this divine procedure as a point of pride as she considers herself an outspoken advocate of natural beauty: "I've never had any plastic surgery... Not a nose, not a chin, not a cheek, not a tit. So my messages of self-empowerment are truly coming from an au natural product." And for your information, an "au natural product" must be maintained by tens of thousands of dollars worth of rare and exclusive cosmetics and the assistance of myriad paid professionals. In other words a natural beauty regimen available to ALL naturally beautiful women. Now get prayin', ladies. [Us Weekly]

Things are looking bright for a number of troubled young celebrities who have endured public battles with substances, eating disorders, or the law itself. First up, Ke$ha remains in treatment for an eating disorder, but, through a friend, has tweeted these positive words: "THANK YOU. SOOO MUCH. I'm overwhelmed to tears by all of the love, letters, and support!! I'll be back soon and better than ever." But lest you assume Ke$ha has mellowed during her time away, she immediately followed that up with these words regarding her single "Timber" remaining at #1: "Fck YEAH animals! PARTY ON!!!!" Oh, Ke$ha. Meanwhile the current title holder for Fresh Outta Rehab Handsomeness Zac Efron described to People his current state of mind: "I'm so happy. I feel like I'm in a great place and I'm glad that I'm really here to share this moment with everybody and be present for all of it." Efron was recently spotted carrying a 6 Months Sober chip from Alcoholics Anonymous and is currently on a truly wonderful round of press promoting his new rom-com by talking about his sex life as much as possible. Keep it up, Z! Finally, fallen queen Lindsay Lohan just told a packed Sundance audience that she's "starting fresh" by starring in and producing a new movie. Sure, it was a controlled press conference and fully documented by the camera crew from her new OWN reality show, but still: Lohan seemed exuberant and forward-focused, and that's all that matters, right? Wouldn't it be sincerely great if she really did devote herself to doing good work again? Fingers crossed! [Page Six, People, People]

This story's been tearing through social media like wildfire, but it's just too fun not to mention: Jennifer Lawrence recently met (and was starstruck by) Homeland's Damian Lewis on the red carpet for the SAG Awards. Even though she explicitly told the nearby Access Hollywood reporter that she hadn't seen Season 3 yet, that reporter and another peer just casually spoiled what happens to Lewis' character in the Season 3 finale and Jennifer Lawrence dissolved into a barely restrained rage. Obviously anything Jennifer Lawrence does lately seems to elicit mass adoration (she is very wonderful), but this incident really seemed to tap into a lot of peoples' spoiler-rage! Anyway, why am I still yammering, you should probably just watch the video here:

For some unknown reason Kanye West's impending nuptials with a reality TV star are just not earning him the widespread respect he demands and craves. For example, according to Radar those recent reports of a grand West-Kardashian wedding at the French Palace of Versailles are now officially moot. Versailles is a no-go, you guys. Versailles said "non." So if you are reading this and had assumed you would have made the guest list to Kanye West and Kim Kardashian's wedding at the Palace of Versailles, I've got some bad news for you. Put your couture ballgowns, brocaded tuxedos, jewel-encrusted eyewear, crushed velvet top hats, and albino pythons back into storage. It ain't happening. Maybe in Loughlin, or whatever. [Radar]

And now, a cautionary tale: Young stand-up comedians who bear a passing resemblance to Eddie Murphy should probably not legally change their names to Murphy, tour with Richard Pryor's son in a "Sons of Comedy" tour, and also show up at frequent Eddie Murphy haunts shouting "My father won't talk to me!" One or any of these things just might cause Eddie Murphy to sue you, as what may likely happen to a guy named Brando Murphy, who has allegedly done all three of those things. According to TMZ the young comedian has been using this son-of-Murphy schtick for a while now and Eddie Murphy does NOT appreciate it. Worse, faced with legal threats by the real Murphy, the young comedian has decided to push back, threatening to sue Eddie Murphy himself for these "vile, base, contemptible, miserable, wretched and loathsome" allegations. Personally I will need to see what Brando Murphy looks like in a fat suit before I'm willing to draw any conclusions. [TMZ]

You may have heard that many '90s celebrities will be making appearances in some very expensive Super Bowl commercials in a few weekends. Well, that goes for the older male cast members from Full House! Yep, Bob Saget, Dave Coulier, and John Stamos will be appearing in some yogurt commercial, who cares which one, but it's still hard to deny the pangs of nostalgia caused by this photo John Stamos just tweeted. I mean, come on:

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.