Today in celebrity gossip: Justin Bieber's troubles probably began with having awful parents, tons of celebrities piled on after Bieber's arrest, and here's one example of a child star who did not become a train wreck.
Yesterday you woke up to a new reality, one in which Justin Bieber had finally, finally been arrested. How had he not been arrested yet, you'd been asking yourself for weeks. Ask no more: Justin Bieber has now officially served jail time for, among other things: racing Lambos under the influence, resisting arrest, and just having a generally surly attitude toward authority figures. (Here's a helpful rundown of all yesterday's various developments as they happened.) But now that you've had time to bask in this news and truly recalibrate your perceptions about how the world works, please enjoy all the new side-stories and drama tangents Bieber's arrest has generated! In gossip terms, this arrest was manna from heaven (a Biblical term that means "junk food falling from the sky and landing in a mud puddle"), tapping into an entire nation's contempt for a rich punk while not skimping on the cartoonish, over-the-top details of a young life gone awry! Truly a blessing.
It's almost too much to delve into, but here's a quick rundown of what we now know: Immediately before his arrest Bieber was spotted partying shirtless in a Miami night club alongside model and "Kim Kardashian lookalike" Chantel Jeffries. The street race took place after 4 a.m. in a quiet residential neighborhood; the other entrant was R&B artist “Crazy Khalil” Amir Sharieff; and both Bieber's yellow Lamborghini and Sharieff's red Lamborghini were free-of-charge loaners from a local dealership. Aside from a zit to bring shame upon his endorsement deal with Proactiv Solution, Bieber's mug shot is undeniably adorable. Bieber has hired scary high-profile attorney Roy Black (other clients: Joe Francis, Kelsey Grammer and Rush Limbaugh), but when a smart-aleck reporter asked Black to name a single Justin Bieber song, he had to plead the fifth, adding, "However, I'm sure it's excellent." After appearing "cocky" in his court appearance Bieber allegedly "cried his eyes out" because of course he did. Big-time sponsor Adidas is NOT dropping its endorsement deal with Bieber: "Nothing is changing in our relationship with Mr. Bieber at this time." Finally, Justin Bieber's fans are not holding up too well.
Probably the most amusing angle to the Bieber arrest has been all the celebrities currently making fun of him, including Mario Lopez, Ricky Gervais, Jason Biggs, Jared Padalecki, RuPaul, Lena Dunham, and Ronan Farrow. Disappointingly most of the jokes have been lazy barbs about Bieber's supposed feminine looks (important thinkpiece on how insults like this are all essentially homophobia/misogyny to follow, don't worry). That being said, these tweets were pretty great though:
Who amongst us hasn't drag-raced a Lambo in Miami on pills? #FreeBieber— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) January 23, 2014
Seth Rogen was a bit less facetious, however:
All jokes aside, Justin Bieber is a piece of shit.— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) January 23, 2014
Ha ha ouch! Though, to be honest, rumors have been going around for a while now that Bieber's created a wake of celebrity ill-will wherever he's been, particularly in the comedy community following his SNL hosting gig, so it's easy to imagine those who have been harboring bad feelings about him are finally venting some long-repressed steam.
Anyway, Bieber has at least ONE famous friend left:
Probably the biggest and most serious angle to this story (aside from, you know, Justin Bieber's seemingly inevitable self-destruction) has been the emergence of just how terrible his parents have seemed all along. We all know people who had permissive, easygoing parents yet everybody turned out okay. But what happens when you clearly have a troubled child, and yet you've chosen to supply him with drugs and allow him to street race? We're allowed to call that terrible, cause-effect parenting, right? TMZ has a pair of distressing stories on this topic. First, following his arrest Bieber informed police that he was under the influence of prescription medicines, but was unable to name them, insisting that "he just takes whatever his mom Pattie gives him." At this point that seems to be mainly Xanax, but keep in mind that Bieber's alleged favorite beverage sizzurp requires prescription-strength codeine. Is Bieber old enough at 19 to be responsible for his own prescriptions? Or is he still so young that his mother has to deal with that while also turning a blind eye to his partying? Which is it? Meanwhile Bieber's father Jeremy Bieber, the tatted-up Ed Hardy nightmare-lookin' member of Bieber's entourage not only accompanied his underage son to the nightclub before the arrest, but he was also "one of the people who helped block off the residential street so his son could drag race." Now, these are two very specific examples of maybe being irresponsible parents, but one could easily delve into the larger pattern of behavior that would cause two young people to raise someone to become a modern day pop star nightmare . Like, there must have been A LOT of questionable lapses in responsibility along the way. I realize society frowns upon passing judgment of other peoples' parenting style, but at what point is it okay for us to take a look at a situation and be like, "Yup. Bad parenting"? Seems like we might have arrived at that point now. [TMZ, TMZ]
With all this talk of nightmare celebrity teens, it's important to remember that not all child stars become train wrecks. Take Josh Hutcherson, for example! He's been pretty famous for a while now and he's only getting more likable and successful. Anyway, here's a Throwback Thursday pic 'grammed by actress Victoria Justice featuring a fetal Hutcherson alongside Twisted's Avan Jogia. See? All three of these kids seem alright! HAVE HOPE.