Julia Roberts Takes a Brave Stand Against Twitter, Internet, and Pagers

Today in celebrity gossip: Julia Roberts speaks truth to power about powered devices, Ronan Farrow may be in hot water with NBC, and Justin Bieber's housemate got arrested while already in jail.

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Today in celebrity gossip: Julia Roberts spoke truth to power about powered devices, Ronan Farrow may be in hot water with NBC, and Justin Bieber's housemate got arrested while already in jail.

If there's one thing everybody can agree on, it's that the human race as a species truly peaked in its earliest days when we all spent our waking hours huddled together in dark woods waiting to die. We had such a sense of community then as we gathered our locally sourced, gluten-free raw meals and cured our common ailments with little more than an open flame. It was truly a golden age. But ever the self-destroyers, humanity had to go and embrace "newer" and "better" things. Grim reaper, thy name is Technology and Julia Roberts is NOT a fan. In an interview with E! Online, the actress finally broke her silence on why she hasn't joined Twitter: "I guess I just don't get it... There's just a lack of human connection to all of it and that doesn't appeal to me." See, world-famous actress Julia Roberts just wants to connect. But despite conceding that the Internet "makes people feel connected and it brings people together and does all these awesome things... I like to look at somebody and have more tangible connections. That's what I as a person am invested in." As tangibly connected friends of Julia Roberts can attest, if she thinks of a particularly dumb or funny or ephemeral one-liner, she will think nothing of running into your home letting you have it! Or if Julia Roberts wants to deliver quick updates or information about what she's been up to, she will deliver that information personally to a talk show host. Um, another issue is that Julia Roberts also doesn't seem to know what Twitter is. "I picture Twitter on a pager which I know is also antiquated, I don't know where you Twitter!" Fair enough, Julia Roberts. Just please stop paging me . [E! Online]

Attention friends: If you ever decide to call out your alleged child molester father on Twitter the same night he is honored on national television for his long and storied career, make sure that the bosses at your new job aren't also the bosses of the awards show. According to Radar, the higher-ups at NBC Universal are NOT happy with Ronan Farrow's Golden Globes spotlight-stealing tweet directed at father Woody Allen and it could even jeopardize his good-standing at MSNBC, the home of his upcoming talk show. Never mind that Farrow shouldn't need anybody's permission to work through family issues (or stand up for his sister) in public, as a presumably soulless "NBC source" told Radar, "It just places the network in a terrible position of having to defend airing the Golden Globes, which was a huge ratings bonanza." See? DO NOT talk about difficult things in the face of a ratings bonanza. That's just Media Figure 101. But you better believe NBC higher-ups are furiously pawing through their Human Resources handbook as we speak:

The network has very strict policies on what their talent/employees are able to post on Twitter and Facebook. No-one has said anything directly to Ronan yet about it, but he will certainly be reminded about it now that he is an employee of the network... Ronan is now in the media spotlight and he is going to modify his behavior accordingly.

Oh, boy. Ronan Farrow, do you really need this job? Just listen to these corporate jerks. Anyway, 'But what did the Hollywood Foreign Press have to say about Farrow's Tweet,' you may be wondering? Here's what: "It’s important to remember that Woody Allen was never arrested or criminally charged for molestation." So there you have it! Case closed. Let us never discuss molestation or sexual abuse outside of a courtroom ever again. That is a good and sensitive way to handle situations such as these. I hope you've learned your lesson, Ronan Farrow. [Radar]

You may have heard about Justin Bieber's housemate Lil Za's arrest yesterday for drug possession after police raided Bieber's mansion for evidence of egg-tossing and found drugs. Well, Lil Za, rascal that he is, was arrested again! Right away! While still in jail! Apparently just moments before posting bail for the first arrest Lil Za lost his temper and smashed a jailhouse telephone, at which point he was re-arrested for vandalism. And as a highly amused TMZ adds, "depending on the value of the phone ... this could also be a felony -- to go along with his felony drug bust." So Lil Za had a great day, basically. Oh, Lil Za! [TMZ]

Julianna Margulies' holiday vacation was not the best. The main reason was that when she returned from it her very nice Manhattan apartment had been flooded by an upstairs neighbor's busted radiator. In an especially cruel ironic twist, Margulies discovered the disaster while holding the issue of Architectural Digest in which the now-flooded apartment had been featured! But Margulies' vacation miseries weren't limited to wet carpets: A winter storm sidetracked their flight and "We went and stayed at the Marriott in Denver. The airport Marriott, the beds were very comfortable. We were fine and then they lost our luggage, and that's fine. It happens." Uh, Julianna Margulies doth protest too much! That does not sound fine to me! The airport Marriott? Lost luggage? Guys, Julianna Margulies is A LIAR. What happened to her is awful and she should admit that. Anyway, liar or not, Julianna Margulies needs a break. Hey 2014, let's be easier on Julianna Margulies, okay? [Daily Mail]

Finally, your most burning post-Golden Globes question answered: Does Jacqueline Bisset remember what she said onstage during her very long, very baffling, instantly viral "acceptance speech"? The answer, of course, is no. "I can’t remember what I said. Somebody told me I swore?" Ha ha, oh Jacqueline Bisset!. I mean this with complete affection when I say [long pause] [expletive] [swelling music] go to hell or never come back! [Page Six]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.