Heroic Kanye West Punched a Racist Teen In the Face

Today in celebrity gossip: Kanye West had a full weekend, Tina Fey may have resurrected an old feud with Taylor Swift, and Julia Roberts has now officially met niece Emma Roberts' fiancé.

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Today in celebrity gossip: Kanye West had a full weekend, Tina Fey may have resurrected an old feud with Taylor Swift, and Julia Roberts has now officially met niece Emma Roberts' fiancé.

While roughly millions of celebrities spent this past Monday nursing Golden Globe hangovers while having themselves extricated from their makeup-and-spraytan exoskeletons, Kanye West did no such laurel-resting. No, the self-proclaimed savior of music and fashion takes no vacations, particularly from his newest full-time job as TMZ headline generator. But brace yourselves, dear readers: What I'm about to tell you could very well make you like and even appreciate Kanye West's behavior. This past Monday, West's bride-to-be Kim Kardashian was visiting a chiropractor in Beverly Hills when the swarm of paparazzi that cling to her like so many lamprey upset a nearby racist teenager who yelled a number of hateful profanities at them. Kardashian, the Mother Teresa of our times, took the racist teenager to task for using racist and homophobic words, at which point the racist 18-year-old grew enraged at Kardashian's lack of gratitude and began berating her by dropping the N-word like it was a haunted pinecone. (That is the best simile I can come up with due to my unique upbringing.) Anyway, Kardashian dialed West on the phone whereupon the racist teen yelled still more racist things AT West via her telephone. Long story short, West showed up and chased the teen into the chiropractor's office and PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE. Like something out of a movie! A very, very satisfying and crowd-pleasing movie. Anyway, the racist teen is now pressing charges, obviously. That's how the world works now. But I think we can all agree that if Kanye West would only devote more of his time to punching racist teens in the face he'll be a national hero in no time. Just a tip, Yeezy! [TMZ, Page Six]

But punching racist teens in the faces wasn't the only thing Kanye West's been up to while hanging around in Beverly Hills: Last Friday, Kanye West ate lunch with no less thanVogue editor Anna Wintour! What did they talk about, you just asked aloud to nobody in particular? They talked about Kim Kardashian deserving the cover of Vogue. Or at least in Kanye's opinion she does. "He was talking nonstop. [Wintour] did not get a word in edgewise." Yeah, definitely don't stay tuned for that Vogue cover, everybody. [Page Six]

Today is the Tuesday after the Golden Globes, which means we're already WAY over the Golden Globes not only as an event, but as a concept. Still though, you need to hear about a dance circle that formed at CAA's Golden Globes afterparty! In a Page Six piece promisingly titled "Jane Fonda gets spanked at Golden Globes party," Jane Fonda got spanked at a Golden Globes party!

According to an eyewitness, the svelte, 76-year-old actress “was dancing up a storm. At one point, ‘West Wing’ star Mary McCormack was slapping Jane’s behind. Mary was also twerking. Diddy was dancing with Sandra Bullock next to his ex J.Lo, who was dancing with Melissa McCarthy. Lady Gaga, who had been sitting on a day bed like Cleopatra, got up to dance with boyfriend Taylor Kinney.”

I mean, just sit there for a second and really drink in the visuals of that scene. There was twerking. There was Lady Gaga sitting on a day bed. I mean, come on. Amazing, right? And now take a deep breath because it's not even close to over.

Then a dance circle formed with Matthew McConaughey and his wife, Camilla, Olivia Wilde, Paula Patton and Jason Statham.

Emphasis mine, but it seems like it's still not emphasized enough? A DANCE CIRCLE. With Jason Statham. Right now my main question is why we even needed to bother with the awards ceremony when the evening could've been a three-hour celebrity dance party? Seriously, NBC, do a better job next time? [Page Six]

Gosh, credit where credit's due but Page Six is really on a roll today. Another piece was entitled "No cocaine for Leonardo DiCaprio," which. Um, sure. But also, doesn't it sound like he's being punished for something? "Bad Leonardo DiCaprio! No cocaine for Leonardo DiCaprio! Finish your vegetables or there will be no cocaine for Leonardo DiCaprio until the weekend!" I don't know. Anyway, the actual article is about how, despite starring as a notorious coke-vacuum in The Wolf of Wall Street and also being a notorious IRL partier, DiCaprio claims he's "never touched cocaine himself." Um, okay, surely there's a logical loophole there right? Like maybe he's never touched cocaine with his hands, but a supermodel's hindquarters is another thing. "I’ve never done it in real life," DiCaprio clarified. Okay, Leonardo DiCaprio, why are you fibbing? No cocaine for Leonardo DiCaprio! [ Page Six]

Did an offhand joke during her Golden Globes hosting duties resurrect an old feud between Tina Fey and Taylor Swift? Us Weekly seems to think so! According to them not only was Fey's joke a direct reference to an old spat but it constituted no less than a "slam"! So, remember last year when Tina Fey joked that Taylor Swift should keep her hands off Michael J. Fox's teenage son, and Taylor Swift displayed an outrageous lack of a sense of humor by telling Vanity Fair "there's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women"? Meaning, Taylor Swift was calling out Tina Fey for somehow being woman-unfriendly (at an event where Fey roasted nearly everyone in attendance) because Tina Fey had made a smart remark about how Taylor Swift's entire oeuvre had sprung from her extremely ill-advised dating life. Anyway, it was one of those non-fights that seemed bigger than it probably was, and if you had found Swift tiresome at all before that point the spat probably crystallized that feeling for you. Anyway, on Sunday's telecast Tina Fey ribbed Amy Poehler for her Golden Globe win by saying, "I love you, and there's a special place in hell for you." So, you know, just a subtle jab at the 24-year-old teenager sitting only a few yards away. For her part Swift has not yet given any interviews to Vanity Fair so it's not clear what she thinks of Fey's female camaraderie at the moment. More as it develops! [Us Weekly]

If you're anything like me then you've spent literally weeks wandering around in a restless, sleepless haze wondering when—WHEN?—would Emma Roberts finally introduce her new fiancé Evan Peters to Aunt Julia. Well, please let the serenity of relief wash over you, for that momentous event has finally occurred. It happened at the Golden Globes, obviously. (Celebrities of Juila's stature only leave the confines of their desert compounds twice, perchance thrice a year.) As an eyewitness told Us Weekly, first Emma Roberts and Evan Peters passionately tongue-kissed (a.k.a., an "awkward make-out sesh!") just after stepping off the red carpet and later Emma was approached by Julia who insisted, "I want to meet your fiance!" After that it's anybody's guess what happened. Was Emma able to lead her aunt through the frightening obstacle course that was the Beverly Hilton ballroom? The Us Weekly article denies us this answer. So, whoops! Perhaps I spoke too soon? We still don't know for sure that Julia Roberts has met Evan Peters! Oh well, back to the endlessly unsatisfying and fretful sleepwalk that we call living. [Us Weekly]

I have a hunch that fully half of you might enjoy this Instagram of The Big Bang Theory actresses Kaley Cuoco and Melissa Rauch hanging out before the awards. If you must, go ahead and make a "Golden Globes" joke. It won't score you any originality points and you will probably also sound like a major creep, but if it helps get you through a Tuesday, then great.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.