Some New Year's Resolutions for Our Favorite TV Characters

Fictional characters can't write their own New Year's resolutions so we're here to write some for them. 

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Fictional characters can't write their own New Year's resolutions so we're here to write some for them. We love these characters, but they aren't perfect. So in the spirit of self-betterment we've imagined what they should resolve to do better in the New Year. Maybe, just maybe, the writers who created them will pay attention. 

Peggy Olson from Mad Men 
Resolution: "I will find someone who appreciates me and my work, but isn't completely inappropriate for me." 
For about as long as Mad Men has been on, all we have wanted is for Peggy to be happy and get all she wants in the world. Last season was a bummer for Peggy. After striking out on her own, she got sucked back into the Sterling Cooper aura, she accidentally stabbed her unsupportive boyfriend, who then broke up with her, and then fell in love with Ted Chaough, only for him to decide he's staying with his wife. Peggy needs to resolve to find someone who loves her for her.

Ichabod Crane from Sleepy Hollow 
Resolution: "I will get a new outfit or at least try wearing modern day clothing." 
Look, we understand that keeping Ichabod in period clothing is a trait of Sleepy Hollow, but we would love to see him try getting out of that grubby overcoat. Have you seen what Tom Mison looks like in modern day dress?

Winston Bishop from New Girl
Resolution: "I will develop attachments to people and not inanimate objects and/or cats." 
Winston has never been the most stable of characters on New Girl, but recently the show has seen him develop unreasonable attachments to non-human entities. Winston should resolve to see the beauty in people.

Marnie from Girls
Resolution: "I will stop whining about my ex, Charlie." 
The first time Marnie broke up with Charlie, she went into a downward spiral. They got back together at the end of the second season, only for the actor playing Charlie to leave over creative differences. All signs point to Marnie having another rough go of it at the beginning of the third season. She needs to buck up this time around.

Mindy Lahiri from The Mindy Project 
Resolution: "I will not hook up with Danny Castellano"
The Mindy Project seems more and more like it has been inching toward a romantic encounter between its two leads, but the show needs to keep the will-they-won't-they dynamic going for a little bit longer before they replicate what New Girl and so many before it have done.

Lady Edith Crawley from Downton Abbey
Resolution: I will not let others dictate my happiness.
Depending on where you are with Downton—and whether you cheated and watched the show after it aired in Britain—you'll feel differently about this, but: Lady Edith's biggest problem is that she's always let others stomp all over her. (Okay, okay, she was a total bitch to Mary in the first season, but it was definitely mutual.) By the third season, after she was left at the altar, it seemed that she should be followed by a sad trombone in every scene. Edith! Stop worrying so much!

Quinn Perkins from Scandal
Resolution: I will shit or get off the pot.
Quinn has never been a favorite character on Scandal. She was introduced as the requisite normie, meaning she got to stand around being boring and staring wide-eyed at the gladiatorial actions of Pope and Associates. Then she got this crazy convoluted backstory at the end of season one, which soon enough morphed into a much more interesting story about election-rigging that hardly involved her at all. This season, though, the show has flirted with pushing Quinn over to the dark side, having her come under the wing of assassin Charlie. By the time Huck was "reluctantly" (we guess?) torturing her for information, we figured the ties with Pope and Associates would be severed for good and Quinn would be a rogue agent. Finally, Quinn was getting interesting! Except ... then she went back onto the side of the white-hats and maybe tried to kill Olivia's dad (for the cause of good!), and now she's back in this no man's land where nobody trusts her and she's maybe still dating Charlie the assassin? Quinn, just go full-on bad already. If Scandal season three really is Alias season two (it is), be the Evil Francie you were destined to be.

Pete Harrison from Trophy Wife
Resolution: I will stop inviting my ex-wives over for major holidays and family events.
Honestly, this is a resolution we really don't want Pete to keep. The whole fun of Trophy Wife is when ex-wives Diane (Marcia Gay Harden) and Jackie (Michaela Watkins) get mixed up in the the lives of Pete and Kate (Malin Akerman). But honestly, Pete, any right-thinking human being would have just stopped inviting them over months (if not longer) ago.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.