South America Has Almost Destroyed Justin Bieber

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I know you're sick of Justin Bieber news, but don't worry, this is the last Justin Bieber news you'll hear, because I'm pretty sure he's about to be eaten by piranhas or something. South America is trying to kill Justin Bieber, and it is doing a pretty good job. There's been the bottle throwing, the brothel incident, the videotaped-while-sleeping fiasco, the getting kicked out of his hotel, the food poisoning. And now, a booing. He got booed off stage. Or, rather, he got booed while leaving the stage, because of food poisoning. He tried to perform a concert in Buenos Aires on Sunday night, but he walked off after an hour, saying "I’m not feeling too good, I think I’m out of energy." Poor thing. He posted a selfie (Page Six puts "selfie" in quotes) that day of himself with an IV drip, so I guess he really was ill. His manager, the augustly named Scooter Braun, came to Bieber's defense after the cut-short concert, saying that Bieber "handled it like a man who cares and put his beliebers before himself. very proud. he will be back!" Which, fine, nice that Scooter Braun is looking out for his boy, excuse me his man, but I don't know that Justin Bieber will be back. I don't know if he's going to make it out of South America. That continent, that fearsome jungle place, is trying to kill him. Some dark force beating like a terrible heart in the center of the Amazon is trying to kill him. Or maybe it's a power coming from the lost lands of Tierra del Fuego, emanating up the spine of Chile and then out across the pampas. Wherever it is coming from — Easter Island, mysterious corners of Montevideo — something is conspiring against Justin Bieber. I'd recommend you say your goodbyes now. [Page Six]

Meanwhile, back in North America, it is Anne Hathaway's birthday! The Academy Award-winning actress turns 31 years young today and had a b-day dinner this past weekend, with about 40 people showing up to Crossroads in West Hollywood for a cozy dinner of "salads and appetizers." Well, there were salads and appetizers, Us Weekly breathlessly reports, but I assume there were also entrees. Maybe even dessert. The only famous guest mentioned is Amy Adams, but I'm sure there were others. Still, it's interesting, and informative, instructive even, to know that Anne Hathaway and Amy Adams are friends. Isn't it? Doesn't that kind of say something about both of them? That they would seek each other out across all those crowded rooms full of the glittery rich and famous? It makes sense, in a way, doesn't it? That they would see same in same. Or complements. Or something. Anne Hathaway and Amy Adams. I get it. I do. [Us Weekly]

"Aw, What A Dad...Flies Home To Take Care of Baby" TMZ, in a rare moment of kindness, says about Kanye West. The story is that he flew home from New York after performing at Leonardo DiCaprio's birthday party to take his daughter, North "Nori" West, to a doctor's appointment. The baby's mother, Kim Kardashian, was busy and couldn't make the appointment. So... "Aw, what a dad" for a guy who takes his kid to a doctor's appointment. Sheesh, I would imagine that all you regular non-celebrity parents out there would love someone to praise you for doing the simple parental duty of taking your kid to the doctor. (I realize that there are bad or unfit or overwhelmed parents out there who do not take their children to the doctor when they need to go to the doctor, and I mean no slight to those kids, but I think in the broader scheme of things, most kids have parents taking them to the doctor, hopefully?) Just seems like a fairly simple thing, and then when you consider what he was coming home from, performing for $100,000 at some man-boy movie star's birthday party, well, yeah, I'd certainly f--king hope Kanye West was back from that nonsense in time to take his baby to the doctor. So let's not overpraise. I'm glad that Kanye is around to help raise the kid, but he should be. As should Kim. That is their job now. So let's be glad that they're doing their jobs, but not go too nuts. [TMZ]

Oh, speaking of Leo DiCaprio's birthday party, it was a charity event, meaning every time someone bought a bottle of champagne or whatever, they also had to donate to the Leo DiCaprio Foundation (that's the actual name of Leonardo DiCaprio's charity). One oil tycoon spent $1 million!! He was having a great time, as one witness describes the party as "wild — wall-to-wall models. There were probably 20 girls to every guy." Sure, that sounds like some people's cup of tea. Though I do have a question. Is this like carbon offsets? By which I mean, Leonardo DiCaprio, the staunch environmentalist, hanging out with a freaking oil tycoon? That seems wrong. But then maybe the thought is that if the oil tycoon donates a million dollars to Leo's Fund, everything is evened out for the night? Maybe that is the thinking. Seems a little iffy to me, though. [Page Six]

"Justin Timberlake Doesn't Think He's Cool" reads the People magazine headline, about a new GQ interview with the pop star/actor. Which, great, Justin Timberlake and I finally agree on something. We're finally seeing eye to eye. Hey Justin, that's me you're eye to eye with. We are in complete agreement. Not a single thing cool about you! Glad we've reached consensus on that. Nothing remotely cool about Justin Timberlake. You heard it from the horse himself. Ain't nothing cool about JT. Agreed. Correct. That is completely true. [People]

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