Today in celebrity gossip: There are plenty of sexy men in America who aren't Adam Levine, Duchess Kate encounters some wind, and Alec Baldwin is awkwardly easing back into work.
By now you've likely heard the terrible, chilling news: Adam Levine is the sexiest man alive. I hope you've all dealt with this frightening fact in your own ways, because we have to move on. I know, I know, it's hard. But we have to. We cannot live in the shadow of fear forever. So. How to move on? By focusing on other sexy things. Because the "Sexiest Man Alive" issue of People magazine does not list one mere man. No! No sir, no madame. It lists several men, one might even say many men. So there are others to look at. Others like smoldering British titan Idris Elba. Like posssssibly doin' it with each other home design twins Jonathan and Drew Scott. Like Jennifer Aniston's cool dude rocker boytoy Justin Theroux. And like Ronan Farrow! Yes, Mia's progeny has made the list, despite being only 25 years old. That is old enough to be sexy! So as you can tell, it's quite a varied list, a veritable buffet that appeals to all tastes, all types, all penchants. It is not just Adam Levine. You need not be afraid. You need not cower. Well, actually, yes, you should, because Adam Levine is a terrifying creature who will probably do unspeakable horrors to us all, but before that happens you can at least seek comfort in these other men. These sexy, sexy men. [People]
Duchess Kate. Icon to all the world. Gracious royal. Benevolent leader. Radiant she-god, descendant of Wōden. She is many things, many high and exalted things. But y'know what, folks? She's also just a ding-dang human being. And today she proved just how human. She was stepping out in London this morning, headed into a charity event, and what should happen but a gust of wind, errant and unexpected as all chaos is in this world, came and blew up the skirt of the future Queen of England. Us Weekly magazine is calling this international incident Kate's "Marilyn Moment" and I think we can agree based on the photo provided that that's utter malarkey, but it is at least good to know that the wind can lift such garments, made of Welsh troll hair and faerie fiber as they are. Duchess Kate is susceptible to wind! Stars, even glorious super-beings, are indeed just like us, in that the physics of air have bearing on their lives to some small degree too. How comforting. Also of note: The event that Kate was attending taught her all about "cyberbullying and sexting." Oh my! It was some sort organization that does things for kids' mental well-being in school or something, which is all well and good, but just yesterday Kate was consorting with convicted criminals and now this?? What is the Queen trying to do to her? "Send her to all the filthy charities, let her come face-to-face with the bony degeneracy of this once great nation. Let her choke on the hideous fumes of this squalid, terrible world. She'll be ruined by April." But of course Kate is better than that, stronger than the Queen estimates. And so she handled herself with aplomb, even staying longer at the event than was scheduled. Good for her. But, of course, shame on her for sending something wicked to a particular phone, the recipient writing back, "What is this?" Kate replying, "That was a sext, Harry. I've just learned what that means." Harry responding, "My my, the dirty duchess," then putting his phone away and trying to return his focus to whatever work event he was at, doing a good job of seeming alert and interested, but inside a riot of feeling for this girl, who was so withholding and proper sometimes but would then send him a dirty text message, a sext, about a gust of wind not being the only thing she wants to "come up my skirt." What a contradiction she was! And how eager, how more eager than ever before, Harry was, just this morning, to figure her out. [Us Weekly; People]