Rihanna Keeps Getting People in Trouble

Today in celebrity news: Rihanna gets another Thai person arrested, Lauren Conrad is getting married, and Madonna is in the doghouse.

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Rihanna's Twitter keeps getting Thai people in trouble! Last month two guys were arrested after she posted a photo of herself with an illegal slow loris, one of those big-eyed animals with poison elbows. (Look it up.) And now, because of this raunchy tweet, she's gotten the owner of a Thai sex club arrested. Rihanna! You need to be more discreet or no one is going to do anything fun around you. You can't keep tweeting about illegal activity and getting people in trouble, because then people will stop doing illegal activity around you, and then where will you be? Sitting at Pink Taco with Lindsay Lohan and all the other celebs that people won't even go near these days. And you don't want that. Really. So, go to all the sex shows, meet as many slow lorises as you want. Just don't tweet about it! Be discreet, don't tweet. [AFP]

Look how old everyone's gotten. Kristin Cavallari has a baby. Audrina Patridge has a semi-real job. Presumably Jen Bunney is somewhere, doing something. And now Lauren Conrad is engaged! Though The Hills showed her frequently unlucky in love, Conrad has finally found a guy who will stick around. That fella is named William Tell, celebrated Swiss marksman and patriot. Oh, no, wait, sorry, that's a different William Tell, this is William Tell the musician, who was in the band Something Corporate for a while. The two have been together for about a year and a half, and now they'd like to make it official. I wonder if Stephen Colletti is jealous at all? I mean, I know Lauren probably secretly hopes he's jealous, but is he? He was never really into it the way she was. And heck, we're talking Laguna Beach days now. Long time ago. Although, I guess he did show up on one episode of The Hills, didn't he? And they played "Bleeding Love" when he walked into the party? Am I remembering this correctly? I had to look up who the old arrow-shooting William Tell was to make that dumb joke, but I can remember plot points of The Hills and Laguna Beach pretty clearly. Glad my priorities are in order. [Page Six]

After reports last week that Madonna called a person who asked her to stop texting during a screening of 12 Years a Slave an "enslaver," the founder of the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema chain — upscale arty places with gourmet food and stuff — tweeted that Madonna is "banned from watching" movies until she apologizes "to moviegoers." Everyone was like "ohhh snap!" but I don't think he meant that she would be denied entrance to an Alamo Drafthouse cinema should she try to purchase a ticket and see a film. I think he meant it in a general, facetious kind of a way. Still, it's good that this thing is being brought to people's attention. Madonna shouldn't be able to just run around calling people enslavers during a movie about slavery because they asked her stop being rude. But no, I don't think the Alamo Drafthouse guy meant a literal ban, so everyone calm down. Calm on down. [Daily Mail]

Robin Thicke is now trying to say that he wrote his song "Blurred Lines," a sleazy come-on that's a mite overly aggressive let's say, about his wife. "I wrote it about my wife. She's my good girl. And I know she wants it because we've been together for 20 years" he said in some interview. People, like the person who wrote the entry about this for TMZ's FishWrapper website (I have no idea what it is), think this is ridiculous. Because why would he just reveal that now? And why would he write about trying to seduce his wife away from another man? It doesn't make any damn sense! So Robin Thicke might be lying? And that is an outrage. Or something. I don't know. This thing is going to blow over on its own, isn't it? So we really shouldn't be too worried about it. Robin Thicke is something of a buffoon, let's move on. [FishWrapper]

Professional accent-haver Sofia Vergara has a stylist problem. Mainly that she keeps firing them! Man does Sofia Vergara keep firing stylists. She's had four in recent memory, and someone tells Page Six that "No one goes through that many stylists." Which, well, yeah. Most people go through no stylists. That's how many stylists most people go through. So I can believe that "no one" goes through four stylists. Because, again, 99.9 percent of the world goes through zero stylists. But yes, Vergara has worked with Deborah Waknin (Sandy Bullock), Rob Zangardi and Mariel Haenn (Rihanna, J. Lo), Elizabeth Stewart (Cate Blanchett, Jessica Chastain), and now Rachel Zoe (I dunno, some jerks). That's a lot of stylists! But really, look how varied they are. Someone who styles Rihanna is probably going to put you in very different things than someone who styles Cate Blanchett. Maybe Vergara just wants to mix things up a bit. It doesn't mean that she's impossible to please and fires people on a whim all the time. It's just that she wants different styles sometimes. That's all! [Page Six]

John Mayer and Katy Perry were apparently seen canoodling at the SNL after party this weekend. Perry was the musical guest, so her main squeeze Mayer showed up and they had a nice time in the wee hours. You know what's strange though? Apparently the after party was at Heartland Brewery? That is very strange! If you don't know what Heartland Brewery is, that's like saying that the SNL party was held at a Rock Bottom Brewery. It's a chain restaurant that's a little more expensive/upscale than, like, a Friday's, but it's still a chain restaurant! What a strange place for SNL to have its after party. Maybe it was some kind of ironic joke? Maybe Bruce Willis just really likes the Caribbean Spiced Chicken Quesadilla or the Heartland Nachos? Who knows. No matter what the reason, it's weird. It's definitely weird. [Us Weekly]

Sufjan Stevens has written a jokey but condescending "open letter" to Miley Cyrus about the grammar in her new song "Get It Right." It's a lying/laying mixup that he's harping on, which is fair, but he does it in such a way that accuses Miley of being dumb and flaunts his own smarts and I don't like it. It's smug and off-putting. But maybe that's just me? [Sufjan.com]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.