Rihanna's $90 Million Twitter Brag

Today in celebrity news: Rihanna got in a Twitter fight that involved her flaunting her assets, Chris Brown and Drake patch things up, and Robert Pattinson has a new gal.

We all like Rihanna, right? She makes good, catchy, oddly moody songs and seems to have a good time. She partakes of the wacky tobacky with a refreshing unabashedness, she likes a drink or two, she was thrilled to say "mahalo motherf--ker" in the beautiful art film Battleship. So she seems like fun. But man does she also seem kinda mean sometimes. She was just in a Twitter beef with the up-and-coming singer Teyana Taylor, a fracas that basically started for no reason. What happened was this: Taylor posted an Instagram video of herself singing an Anita Baker song. A bit later, RiRi posted her own Instagram video, of her hairstylist Yusef dressed up in some fool wig and singing the same Anita Baker song. Making fun of Taylor, essentially. Taylor, understandably upset, then responded with a series of angry tweets that have since been deleted. At around 2:30 in the afternoon yesterday, Rihanna referred to the incident with a tweet reading "Screaming in an empty room! #dontfeedtheanimals." Which... Wait. Rihanna, you banged on the animal's cage first! You can't say don't feed the animals when you're the one who got the animal all riled up to begin with. (Teyana Taylor is not an animal, I'm just working with Rihanna's metaphor here.) THEN Rihanna changed her Twitter background to a pair of screen grabs from the questionably accurate website Celebrity Net Worth, showing Taylor's assets at $500,000 and Rihanna's at $90 million. Which is just petty. Come on, Rihanna. Having more money doesn't mean anything. You know who also has a ton of money, like possibly even $100 million? Jesse James. As in Sandra Bullock's gross ex-boyfriend with the Nazi girlfriend. Net worth doesn't mean anything. So Rihanna does not look good here, but then, ugh, Taylor had to go and change her Twitter background to a bad photoshop of her as a boxer and Rihanna as her opponent, using a photo taken when Chris Brown beat Rihanna up. Oh no, Teyana. You were winning, at least in certain ways! But then you lost. With that, you lost. Maybe neither of you kids should be fighting on Twitter because you both wind up looking bad. Ah well. It's over now. Backgrounds have been changed, tweets deleted, presumably tempers cooled. And hopefully Rihanna spoke to her hairdresser and they decided that if they want to make fun of someone, they should keep it off Instagram. That seems like the wisest move here. [Page Six]

Meanwhile Rihanna's ex Chris Brown and his nemesis, actor turned rapper Aubrey "Drake" Graham, have settled their longstanding beef. You'll remember that there was an incident last year at a New York City nightclub involving bottles being thrown across the room and some injuries. Well, that's all Grey Goose under the bridge, as the two were seen hugging and making love drinking together backstage this weekend at a music festival in Las Vegas. They even talked about doing a collab together. So that's probably for the best. Celebrity feuds are among the silliest feuds, right after old family blood feuds that result in History channel miniseries and newspaper feuds that result in the Spanish-American War. So I'm glad to hear that this feud is over. Brown still seems like a jerk and Graham should still get back to acting on Canadian teen soaps, but I'm at least happy for them that they've patched things up. Progress is progress, y'know? [Page Six]

OooOOooooOooo. Robert Pattinson has a new girlfraaand. He brought her to a friend's b-day bash over the weekend, looking "really happy" according to Us Weekly sources. One of these sources also said, "Rob was next to her the entire time no matter where he was," which I hope doesn't mean the bathroom? Like I hope that when he went to go pee she wasn't next to him, because that would be sort of strange. Some things you can do in private, no matter how much you like each other. But the best source quote is this: "Rob was there with his new girlfriend. I don't know her name." Hahaha. Oh. Oh OK. Guess he didn't introduce her around as well as he should have. Unfortunately the sleuths at Us Weekly have yet to crack the case, so this mystery woman remains, well, a mystery. There is a photograph of her, though! So if you recognize the woman in the photo please contact the F.B.I. immediately. She kind of looks like Pippa Middleton? Imagine if Bobby Patentleather started dating Pippa Middleton! Oh how the world would swoon. Oh how Prince Harry would have Pattinson beat up and thrown into the Thames. Oh how Harry would then show up at Pippa's house drunk one night, saying "Come on, Pips, you know I bloody love you, let's stop pretending." And oh how she would let him in and sit him down on the sofa and give him a glass of water and some tea and stroke his hair while he cried and quietly say "You know I love you too, it's always been you, babe" and they would fall asleep with their clothes on and the next morning would be the first day of forever. But that's only if the mystery girl is Pippa Middleton. And I don't think it is. Sorry, Harry. [Us Weekly]

Justin Bieber has kicked his friends Lil Twist and Lil Za out of his house because he suspects them of stealing his jewels. Well, allegedly. Bieber has alluded to this rumor on Instagram and implied that everything is fine, but then he deleted the post, suggesting to gossip rags that something's up. They heard that Justin Bieber had some of his jewels stolen — how he'd notice I don't know, because the kid owns a lot of jewels! — and that he blamed Za and Twist because they were housesitting at the time of the theft. (They've been housesitting for years, it seems.) So he's asked them to leave, and now the boys, who are brothers I believe, are out in the cold, left to wander around Calabasas looking for Austin Mahone's house. We knew this was going to happen someday, the inevitable fallout between hangers-on and the hung-onto, but I don't think we expected it to be because of jewel theft. I always assumed that Bieber would get some girlfriend and she'd demand that his friends not always be around, playing their video games and filling the great room with Quiznos farts. But that's not how it played out, if gossip rags are to be beleived. It was about jewels. Precious jewels. It always comes down to jewels. [Daily Mail]

OK, a couple serious things now. Amanda Bynes missed a court date. The actress, who's been in psych treatment since July, was scheduled to appear in court yesterday about a DUI arrest, but her lawyer said that given her current mental state, she would be unable to "understand the nature of the legal proceedings." The case has now been sent to mental health court, where they will figure out how to proceed. Bynes remains in the psychiatric ward at UCLA Medical Center. [New York Daily News]

Dr. Drew received treatment for prostate cancer this summer. He's all better now, sex life and all, he says. Which is great. Though, it might have been nice if the procedure left him unable to conduct quack rehab with deeply disturbed celebrities, ultimately resulting in five of their deaths. If the surgery had somehow impaired his ability to do that, I think that might have been a good thing. [People]

Breaking Bad actress, and now Emmy winner, Anna Gunn says that she looked heavier on the show than she did at the awards on Sunday night — people had commented on her sudden skinniness — because she had "an illness" while filming and cortisone treatment made her "puffed up." Which, OK, fine, if you want to explain that, you can. But just for the record, this is from this season of the show, and, uh, does she look "puffed up" to you? Because she does not look puffed up to me. Anyway. Hollywood is crazy and awful. That's all. [Huffington Post]