Rihanna and the Illegal Animal Incident

Today in celebrity gossip: Rihanna took a photo with a surprisingly dangerous animal, there's some Emmys grumbling involving dead people going on, and grunge is coming back whether we like it or not.

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Here's one of the stranger celebrity stories at the moment. Rihanna–you remember Rihanna, she sings songs and was in Battleship–was in Thailand recently and Instragrammed a photo of herself with a slow loris. You know slow lorises, they're those big-eyed weirdos that people like putting in YouTube videos because they're so cute. So, she took a photo with this creature and there are two problems with that. 1) It is illegal to charge tourists to take pictures with these endangered creatures, and it was assumed that Rihanna was charged money, so two young men were arrested for doing just that. Rihanna's picture with a slow loris got two people arrested. That is a real thing that happened. 2) Apparently slow lorises are secretly poison monsters? According to the skilled zoologists at TMZ, "Loris carry poison that can be deadly. When they get pissed off they release the toxins from their elbow, put the juice in their mouth and if it touches humans they can go into anaphylactic shock." Poison elbow monsters. These little jerks. Well, OK, I looked it up and TMZ is being a little hyperbolic. There's like one case of deadly anaphylactic shock ever happening. Mostly a slow loris bite is just painful and annoying. Still weird that they're poison devils, but they probably won't kill you. So Rihanna most likely wasn't in any immediate danger. But still. Rihanna took a photo with a small poison nightmare and got two people arrested. How was your weekend? [TMZ]

Oh good lord. The son of actor Jack Klugman, best known for The Odd Couple TV series, is upset that his dad didn't get a more prominent tribute during last night's Emmy Awards. See, in addition to doing the usual "In Memoriam" clip reel this year they also singled out specific entertainment folks who'd died in the past year, people like Jonathan Winters, who got a tribute from Robin Williams, James Gandolfini, movingly remembered by Edie Falco, Jean Stapleton who let Meathead get the last word, and Glee's Cory Monteith, who was eulogized by Jane Lynch. It's the last one that's sticking in the Klugman kid's craw. He told reporters, "It's an insult, and it really seems typical of this youth-centric culture that has an extremely short attention span and panders to only a very narrow demographic. What about the people who should be introduced to somebody like my father? I don't mean to say anything disparaging about Cory, but he was a kid who had won no Emmys, and it was a self-induced tragedy." To which I say, you know what? Stop. Just stop right there. If you have to say, "I don't mean to say anything disparaging about the dead 31-year-old I'm talking about" you've probably already said something disparaging. Also? Let the guy have his time. Who cares. "He was a kid who had won no Emmys" an adult said about a dead person's Emmy tribute. That's what a grownup said. A person who can drive and vote and all that stuff said that one dead person deserved more attention than another dead person because of Emmys. Great. That's terrific. What a productive thing to be upset about. Oof. Honestly. So dumb. [Us Weekly]

Hm. Rapper Aubrey Graham's new tour is not selling well, Page Six says. "Sluggish" is the word they use to describe ticket sales for his tour, which has had its start date pushed back because of technical issues. It's unclear why people don't want to go to his tour, but it might have something to do with the fact that the tour is called "Would You Like a Tour." Seriously, that's the name of the tour. "Would You Like a Tour." So that's dumb and awful! Maybe that's why people aren't interested in Aubrey Graham's tour. Of course Graham's people deny that there's a problem, saying "Drake’s tour is nearly sold out in every major market." Who is Drake? I don't know what they mean. But whatever. The point is, "sluggish" is a relative term. Maybe Graham is thrilled with his ticket sales even though they'd make Kanye furious. You know? It's all a matter of perspective. How many concert tickets is a Canadian soap star supposed to sell anyway? It can't be that many, can it? [Page Six]

A dispatch from the Department of We Are Getting Old: "Willow Smith embraces grunge trend favoured by pal Kylie Jenner." Willow Smith, a 12-year-old, "embraces grunge trend." WHAT. WHO. HOW. WHY. And they're not wrong. She's wearing combat boots just like the cool girls used to do nearly 20 years ago. Isn't that the timeline that trends run on? Twenty years? So we're about ready for a grunge comeback and Willow Smith is going to be one of the horsemen announcing its arrival. A grunge comeback! I still remember when they first announced grunge, saying "grunge" as a style had arrived. When it was new. How could it possibly be that it's coming back and that it's been twenty years? Where does that time go? What did I get for those twenty Christmases, what did I eat all that food for those twenty Thanksgivings? Those twenty birthdays. Good lord. Where does time go. Thanks, Willow Smith. Thanks a whole hell of a lot. [Daily Mail]

Andy Samberg got married to twee harpist Joanna Newsom in Big Sur this weekend. Were you invited? If you were invited to the wedding, you'd know. They sent their invitations on birch bark with hand engraved messages and then sent an owl to your house to pick up your reply. It was a whole thing. So you'd remember if they'd invited you. If you remember having a piece of wood in your mailbox and then getting attacked by an owl a few days later, then you were invited to their wedding, you just didn't go. If not, you weren't. That's just how that works. Anyway, I'm sure it was a lovely time. [People]

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