Katie Couric Is Getting Married

Today in celebrity gossip: Katie Couric has been proposed to, Miley Cyrus speaks out, and Pippa Middleton is not engaged. 

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America's most feared newswoman Katie Couric, who is not afraid to ask you questions about magazines, is engaged! Couric, who currently hosts her own talk show, has been dating banker John Molner for two years, and now they have made plans to get hitched. The two were in East Hampton for the Labor Day weekend when Molner proposed, a fitting place for this very Hamptons-y couple. So, that's nice for her, right? Her first husband died 15 years ago, so this is probably about time. Of course, when Matt Lauer heard the news he said, "Oh, really?" and any still-lingering hope he might have had, yes even after all these years there was still some hope, suddenly dried up and blew away, replaced by a small but permanent sadness, another voice joining the chorus of regret that sings in his heart, in everyone's hearts. It's true that that sad moment did happen, but other than that, this is happy news. [People]

Miley Cyrus has finally, finally weighed in on her hugely, stupidly controversial MTV VMAs performance from last week. You know, the twerking one. So, three days after she did the devil's dance, Cyrus sat down with MTV and was asked about the negative comments. And she basically said whatever, insisting that like Madonna and Britney Spears's controversial VMA performances of yesteryear, she was just making history. She actually said, "Me and Robin [Thicke] the whole time said 'You know we're about to make history right now.'" So. OK. I'm not sure this performance was exactly Madonna writhing in a wedding dress in terms of historical impact, but if she wants to believe that, fine. That's not harming anyone. She then went on to say that she didn't even really think about the performance, which sort of contradicts the whole "we were saying the whole time that we were going to make history" comment that she just made. "I didn't even think about it, 'cause that's just me," she says. Sigh. The proud thoughtlessness of youth. Or, some youth anyway. And, hey, thoughtlessness is not just for the young! No, weird old troll men can be thoughtless too. Like The Washington Post's Richard Cohen, who has a column this morning drawing some weird lines between Miley's twerking and the Steubenville rape case. He basically uses Cyrus as an example of "culture run amok," suggesting that she is contributing to the same rape culture that allowed the Steubenville incident to happen. Which is a handy bit of broad-stroke victim blaming, isn't it? He continues on, implying that the Steubenville case was't rape rape ("Obviously, she was sexually mistreated," he offers, oh so generously) and then delivers this humdinger: "Illegal is sort of beside the point. Right, proper, nice, respectful, decent — you choose the word — is more apt." Yes. In the case of a teenage girl who was raped by several teenage boys at a party, the legality is beside the point. What matters is that the boys weren't nice. Terrific. Someone put Richard Cohen in a drawer. Honestly. Put him in a drawer and close the drawer and lock the drawer and then throw the key out the window into the garden and let that be that. Because really. Anyway. What were we talking about? Oh, right, Miley Cyrus. Yeah, she don't care so you shouldn't care. That's the gist. [MTV; The Washington Post]

OK, back to happy engagement news. Or happy-ish engagement news. Lance Bass, former 'N Sync-er turned... I don't know. What does Lance Bass do? Spends his On the Line money, I guess. Anyway, he is engaged to be married! He proposed to his boyfriend of almost two years, Michael Turchin, in New Orleans over the weekend. I say happy-ish, because of course it is nice that two people are in love and engaged and all that. But, that is Michael Turchin on the right and it seems unfair, or unfortunate at least, that he is no longer available to the general populace. Greedy old Lance Bass has snatched him away and will keep him for himself in whatever hellish West Hollywood manse he calls home. So that's the "ish" part. Oh well. Congrats, you two. [Us Weekly]

Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan are house hunting in Hawaii. Specifically Kauai, where they were seen taking a helicopter tour with a real estate agent to look at property. I guess that's how you know you're worth $13 billion. If when you go house hunting it involves a helicopter. "Oh no, it's much too big to be seen from the ground." That's a sentence only rich people hear. Very rich people. And Mark Zuckerberg is one of those people. Hopefully he and Priscilla will find the Hawaii house of their dreams and their lives will become even more charmed. Because why stop now? [Page Six]

"Pippa Middleton Is Not Engaged." Those are the headlines that Pippa, sister of Catherine the future Queen of England, has to see everywhere right now. Because she is not engaged, despite rumors that she and her beau of six months have decided to get married. And so the headlines. "Pippa Middleton Is Not Engaged." They might as well read, "No, Pippa Is Not a Beloved Young Princess With a Beautiful Newborn Baby Boy and a Doting, Attentive Husband and a World of Excitement, Elegance, and Promise Laid Out Before Her." Why can't the headlines be more inclusive and honest? Why shouldn't they be? "Pippa Is Not Kate." Shouldn't they just say that? Of course there are things she is glad for — a little more privacy, no national expectations resting on her shoulders — but then she sees the screaming headlines, "Pippa Middleton Is Not Engaged," and it all feels so terrible. Just so bloody awful. [Us Weekly]

Hayden Panettiere is getting a tattoo removed after four years. The tattoo? It says "Live Without Regrets," in misspelled Italian. Ha. So, that's ironic, isn't it? Regretting the no regrets tattoo. I mean, she was asking for it with that, wasn't she? Which tattoo are you going to regret the most? The one that says no regrets. That's just how the world works. It's Murphy's law. Or Panettiere's law. It's unavoidable. Well, it could of course be avoided by not getting a tattoo that says "Live Without Regrets" in misspelled Italian in the first place, but that's hard. [Us Weekly]

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