Kanye West Declares Himself the Best

Today in celebrity gossip: Kanye West is calling himself the greatest again, William and Kate entertain the children of a visiting dignitary, and some fashion folks have a really scary plane ride.

Another day, another interview in which Kanye West says lots of braggy things about how he is the best person in the world. Or at least the best person in his field, in the world. The musician did an interview with BBC radio yesterday and said some pretty wild things! Things like "I've got to a point that Michael Jackson did not break down. I have reached the glass ceiling, as a creative person, as a celebrity." OK. I'm sure we could debate the creative person thing because, hey, that's all subjective. But I take issue with "as a celebrity." First off, unless Kanye West also lives in a strange amusement park with his pet chimpanzee and house full of secret rooms, then no, he has not reached a point, celebrity-wise, that Michael Jackson "did not break down." That's just a fact. Secondly, why is Kanye West, the self-proclaimed "No. 1 rock star on the planet" (that's another quote from this interview), so obsessed with this idea of celebrity? He was complaining about some people not letting him flourish as he ought to and he said, "You guys don't understand -- I did the Air Yeezys and they eBay'd for $90,000...but I didn't get a call from Nike the next day." Sneakers? Really? The number one rock star on the planet is upset that Nike didn't call him about sneakers? That's silliness. And sort of proof that he's not a bigger celebrity than, say, Michael Jackson. If Michael Jackson designed some sneakers for some reason? Nike would have called that night. Anyway, whatever. I know Kanye West's braggadocio is part of his whole shtick, that he plays it up to seem more Kanye West-y, but it's not a very thoughtfully crafted persona, is it? It's sorta lazy and about things like sneakers and "celebrity" and stuff that no one should really care about. Ah well. Live and let live. [Us Weekly]

Prince William and his elegant bride Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, have been on vacation at Balmoral Castle in Scotland, and though they are there chiefly to relax with their new son, George Alexander Louis, who will one day rule as emperor of New Britain once the old colonies are finally reclaimed, they did have some official business to attend to. The Prime Minister of New Zealand was in town for a visit, begging with the queen, sobbing profusely as he kissed her rings, to lower the sheep tax. While that unseemly display was going on in the royal throne room, William and Kate were dispatched to take care of the Prime Minister's children. William went grouse hunting with young Max Key, an 18-year-old lad who didn't know how to shoot the guns and whom William was ready to put down should the Queen send a carrier pigeon instructing him to do so. And Kate went for a walk in the woods with 20-year-old Stephanie Key, clutching a dagger should she need to open the girl's throat at the Queen's command. But it seems all the sheep begging went well, and the Queen was satisfied enough to let the Prime Minister's children live. Meaning it was a happy day at Balmoral, with a great feast and a roaring fire, Max and Stephanie clapping and singing hey nonny-nonnies as they drank their mead, unaware of how close they had come to grisly ends, the Prime Minister trying to figure out how he will explain to his people the harsh new sheep tax the Queen imposed as punishment for his insolence. As he watched Prince Harry carry his daughter upstairs and knew he could do nothing about it, he was sure that upon his return home he'd be thrown from the high tower at Christchurch just like his father before him. That's just how it is when you play this game of thrones. [People]

Oh dear. A scary thing happened to a bunch of fashion people yesterday. An Air France flight from Milan to Paris, stuffed with fashion folks traveling from Milan fashion week to Paris fashion week, had to abort a landing just feet from the runway after the plane "rocked sharply from side to side." The pilot then flew the plane back up into the air and explained that the landing conditions were bad and they would try again in ten minutes, which they did and it was fine. But everyone was very scared! Understandably, of course. Had the unthinkable happened it would have been a dark day for fashion. Among the passengers were "Harper’s Bazaar Editor-in-Chief Glenda Bailey, Allure chief Linda Wells, Interview editorial director Fabien Baron, Marie Claire boss Anne Fulenwider, Vanity Fair contributing editor Ingrid Sischy, style.com head Dirk Standen, Glamour fashion director Anne Christensen, Vogue’s Sally Singer and Mark Holgate, and Mark Lee, CEO of Barneys New York." Wow! There's a reason they called the flight The Fashion Bus. So we should all be relieved nothing happened. Turns out it's not as easy to take out your enemies as you thought, Tavi Gevinson. [Page Six]

Page Six really doesn't like Woody Allen, if this article is any indication. It's titled "Woody Allen pals around with child-sex creep" and is about Woody Allen being seen out on a walk with Jeffrey Epstein, who actually is something of a child-sex creep. But still. They also refer to Allen as "Schlubby director," which is just silly. The man is 77 years old and wears slacks and collared shirts. He's not schlubby, he's just old. That's all. Look, I know people are still mad at Woody Allen about the whole Soon-Yi thing, but come on. It was so long ago and they've been together ever since. They've been married for 16 years! I think they might actually be in love? Can't we finally accept the really strange and unsettling way they got together and let it be? And yes Jeffrey Epstein is a gross guy who most of us would never hang out with, but does this sentence need to end the article just because the two were seen walking together? "Farrow once accused Allen of molesting their then 7-year-old adopted daughter, but the allegations were never proven." I don't know. It just seems like overkill. That's all. [Page Six]

"Liam Payne shows off his biceps shadow boxing... as he warns fans to stop waiting behind hotel due to dangerous snake habitat" Not much to say about this, it's just a really good Daily Mail headline. Biceps, shadow boxing, snakes. It's really got it all. That's all. Hope you enjoy. [Daily Mail]