Joseph Gordon-Levitt's Secret Girlfriend

Today in celebrity news: Sorry everyone but JGL has a girlfriend though he's not saying who she is, Oprah scares Lindsay Lohan straight, and Woody Allen is a new social butterfly.

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Not long after he refused to disclose his sexual orientation in an interview, saying it would be "tacky" if he said if he was straight or gay, actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt went on Howard Stern's little radio program and admitted to having a girlfriend. Who this lady is we don't know, because Gordon-Levitt doesn't want us to know. "I get up in movies and I play other people, so when the audience is watching me in movies, I don't want them thinking about me and who I'm dating, and blah blah blah," he explained. But he did let on that she "isn't in show business" and that they met through "mutual friends." Aha. I see. Were those mutual friends at summer camp? And by not in show business does he mean "she lives in Canada you wouldn't know her?" This is all sounding pretty suspicious. What's her name, Georgina Glass? JGL, it's OK if you don't have a girlfriend at the moment. There's no need to lie. Nobody's gonna laugh at you. But they might laugh at your "freaking hot" girlfriend who you "Frenched a lot this summer" and is "totally gonna put out" next time you see each other. Because that just doesn't sound very credible. It really doesn't. [Us Weekly]

While she tries to be a gentle person whenever possible, sometimes Oprah just has to put the fear of god in someone to get the results she wants. She recently had to do that with one Lindsay Lohan. Lohan is supposed to be working on a reality show, excuse me "docu series," for Oprah's floundering television network, a deal that secured Lohan $2 million and a few weeks of gainful employment. But, as has been the case in the past, she initially was less than responsible about showing up for work. She blamed all kinds of things for why she was late or sometimes just didn't show up at all, but Oprah was hearing none of it. She hopped aboard House Winfrey's largest and most fearsome dragon and rode is to Long Island, where she broke down the front door and yelled "Sit. Down." when she caught Lindsay trying to run out the back. Lindsay did sit down and Oprah proceeded to put some sense into that girl. Basically she threatened to not give her the $2 million, and Lohan really wants the $2 million. So she got her act together and according to TMZ, production has been going relatively smoothly for a month. See? Sometimes the tough-talk works. Oprah doesn't want to do it, but sometimes she has to. And she felt content in her decision just then on Long Island, as she hopped back on her dragon and took it screaming up into the night sky, letting it whip and whirl over the harbor for a little fun before returning home to do her next great thing. [TMZ]

Woody Allen has been more social of late. People are shocked. He actually turned up to a fashion party of sorts the other night. He and Soon-Yi went to the opening of Hugo Boss's new flagship store in the Time Warner Center. Probably the real reason that he went is that a new art piece that Boss commissioned was unveiled, but still. He went to a party that was also attended by the likes of Josh Duhamel and Liam Hemsworth. What's going on? Why is Woody Allen going to events like these when he never goes to events like these? Something's up. Maybe Soon-Yi got sick of sitting around the house every night. Maybe Allen's having some late-life crisis and thinks he wasted years not being more social. Whatever the reason, it has all of New York society abuzz. Even serious artists have been delighted by Woody's presence. A witness tells Page Six, "Marina Abramovic seemed quite star-struck by Woody." Ha! Wonderful. Though, this is what Abramovic looks like when she's "star struck" so it's not much different from the usual. [Page Six]

Hahaha. Brad Pitt, Shia LaBeouf, and some other actors in the new WWII tank movie Fury, currently shooting in England, were sent by their director to go camp in the woods for a few days. It was meant as a bonding exercise, to get the guys to be a believably cohesive group of men. Which is very silly. A bunch of pampered grownup movie stars playing make believe trying to get all tough and like the big strong Army guys by going camping in England. As Us Weekly described their adventure, "Cut off from the rest of the world, the guys spent their days foraging for food. At night, they bundled up in an attempt to keep warm in 50-degree temps." Fifty degrees?? However did they survive? Maybe now they're all ready for this harrowing men's adventure. I don't know. I just find this so silly. Actors all excited to be in their big tough tank movie, but really what they're doing is playing make believe. It's all silliness, it's all play. You don't need to go camping. Just say your made-up lines and wear your costumes and all that and you'll be fine. You'll be just like the cool Army guys, I swear. Actors! Oh actors. [Us Weekly]

Also, fashion designers. Oh fashion designers. The guy who makes those designer parody clothes, like the shirts that say "Commes des F--k Down" and stuff, he is suing his younger brother — for $100 million! — claiming that the brother stole his idea for a line of stuff that says "Ballin'" instead of Balmain. Hilarious, right? And totally worth $100 million. Well, the guy's lawyers think it is, and they're claiming that the younger brother stole the idea for his own fashion line because he was desperate and abusing alcohol and, at various points, slipping into "an alter ego known simply as ‘Stacey.'" Oh dear. So maybe Stacey stole the really crackerjack "Ballin'" idea? Though, the younger brother's company claims nothing was stolen at all. So who knows how this will end. Hopefully with justice for all wronged parties. Mostly meaning those people who paid $128 for a hoodie that says "Homies" on it. Those people deserve something. [Page Six]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.