Jon Gosselin's New, Humble Life

Today in celebrity gossip: Jon Gosselin lives in the woods, Prince Charles is old, and Jennifer Lawrence and Jeff Daniels had dinner.

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Remember Jon Gosselin? He was one tenth of the Jon & Kate Plus 8 crew, the mega-sized family that captured the nation's attention during the strange last days of the aughts. Then there was a spectacular, ugly, public divorce, the gossip machine blaring long and loud about every sad detail of the split until, suddenly, there was silence. Nothing. Kate popped up on Dancing with the Stars but that was quickly forgotten and it was quiet. So what happened after all that? Where did everyone go? Well, according to an interview with Entertainment Tonight that aired last night, Jon moved to the woods. Yup, he packed up his stuff and moved to the woods, like a common fairytale recluse. Good for him. But what does he do in the woods all day, other than brood and snicker to himself while he collects bird bones and bits of forest fuzz to make strange figurines out of? He waits tables! Yeah he works at a restaurant that is in or near the woods and seems pretty happy! How about that. The woods: Could they work for you? Jon says he and Kate only text and email, they don't even see each other when they pick up or drop off the kids. So that's sad. But other than that, I think this story has a happy ending. After all that turmoil and strife and glare, Jon is a happy resident of the woods. That's all he needed. "All I needed was the woods." [New York Daily News]

Here's a funny little story. Jennifer Lawrence is in Atlanta filming Hunger Games: Return of Jafar. Jeff Daniels is in Atlanta to film the Dumb & Dumber sequel. So they had dinner. Yup! Two celebrities in Atlanta at the same time is cause for celebration, so they went to this hip, fancy restaurant (I mean, Atlanta hip and fancy) with the Farrely brothers and had a dinner. Who knows what they talked about! "So, you like acting?" "Yeah, I like acting. You?" "I do. I like acting." Something like that, probably! What fun. What a weird group. But that's OK. Maybe the Farrelys will write a comedy for her. She needs to do a comedy. She's so funny in real life and so serious in her movies. Though maybe that's why it works. Maybe she needs to have that balance. Maybe that's something they talked about. Who knows. Sadly, we'll probably never know. [Page Six]

As of today, Prince Charles would be the oldest king crowned were he to be crowned. He just beat William IV, who was 64 years, 10 months, and 5 days old when he was crowned in 1830. Now Charles would be the oldest. He's also "the longest-serving heir apparent," which must make him feel great. He sulks in his chambers while Camilla furiously grabs all the newspapers and throws them out, then stomps over to the telephone and dials William's number. "Oh hello, Camilla, how are you today?" But Camilla doesn't bother with pleasantries, saying "Put that wife of yours on the phone." And so William does and when Catherine comes on the line with a chilly, "Yes, Camilla?" Charles's wife spits at her, "Listen to me you hungry little commoner. Feeding vicious stories about my husband's age isn't going to convince him to abdicate a single thing to that horse-toothed husband of yours. Do you hear me? You will not win this one, you low country badger. Charles will be king, and you will have to wait your turn, you grubby little peasant." Catherine raises her eyebrows. "Mmhm. Is there anything else I can help you with Camilla?" "Yes you can piss off and leave us all alone, just like that boy's slag of a mother." "All right, Camilla. I must say goodbye. So lovely to hear from you. Ta ta." Catherine hangs up and William looks at her expectantly, hoping maybe that these constantly bickering ladies had patched something up. "Well?" "Oh it was nothing," Catherine says breezily, walking over to her husband and smoothing his shirt and fixing his hair, before her hands move further down, cooing, "And how is my little king this morning. Oh, not so little at all I see." And that's how that day goes. [People]

Millionaire contractor Ben Krupinski, who builds homes for the rich and fabulous of the Hamptons and elsewhere, is being accused by his grown, former model daughter of having had an affair with Martha Stewart, for whom he built a house. She says that's what caused the rift that eventually led to Krupinski cutting off her $26,000 per month allowance and kicking her out of the family's mansion in Bedford. This woman is 46 years old, by the way. But she still had an allowance. It sounds like she's maybe not in the best mental state, but that doesn't mean she isn't telling the truth. I like the idea of Martha Stewart having an affair with her contractor. Don't you? That sounds right. Mid-coitus she's talking about door jambs and crown molding and whatnot, asking him about quartz countertops and pasta faucets as they maneuver into an elaborate position. That seems correct to me. [Page Six]

Well it's Friday and people are still shocked that Clint Eastwood has a deeply attractive son — where have you guys been? Some of us have known this for years — so here are more pictures of Scott Eastwood. Because why not. [Us Weekly]

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