Oh dear. Poor Ryan Seacrest. The cheery little cheese-elf was tasked by NBC to go to Denver to kick off the NFL season, doing a little pre-game spiel that would whip up excitement for the return of America's favorite thing. But, unfortunately, Broncos fans were not having it. They booed him, guys. They booed. Ryan Seacrest tried to say things about football and the fans in the stadium said no. Only they said it like this: "Boooooooooooooo." Like angry, bored ghosts. Boooooooo. He got booed! Poor Ryan Seacrest. I mean, it happens. People get booed at football stadiums all the time! Who knows what forces guide football fans' fickle hearts. He could have been booed for any old reason. It doesn't mean anything necessarily. What's really special and interesting about this story is the way that Deadline writes it up. It's really mean! Like they really relish in the fact that Ryan Seacrest got booed, setting the story up with his excited tweets before he went on and then accounting, boo by boo, what happened in the stadium. It's great. And there are lots of funny typos! Here's a good section of the post:
“So come on Denver, let’s join these football greats — representing all 32 teams — and ring in the NFL season! Here we go!” he yelled, as the crowd continued to boo, and countless millions – Nielsen ratings in later this morning – saw it from the comfort of their couches and their sports bars.
Ha! Isn't that great? Jeez, Deadline. What's your beef with poor Ryan Seacrest? The little seahorse just wants to celebrate football and plug his new game show. You've never been there? I think we all know what it's like to want to say welcome back football while promoting our game show. Don't fault a man for doing what we've all done, Deadline. Have a heart. [Deadline]
Mel Gibson yelled at the police again. Yup, call all your relatives, wake them up if you need to, because this is big news. Mel Gibson has, once again, yelled at the police. The real news is that he wasn't drunk and he didn't say anything particularly horrible or racially charged. So that's good! I mean, as far as Mel Gibson yelling at the police incidents go, this seems to be a relatively tame one. He was going through a sobriety screening on the highway in Malibu and didn't have his license with him so he started yelling and accused the cops of harassing him. Which, Mel. C'mon. Mel. You gotta drive with your license. I'm not sure how it's done down in Australia, but in these United States, you gotta drive with a license. But, Mel didn't like that idea, so he yelled. You know what my question is about all of this is? Why are you so angry, Mel Gibson? Honestly what does Mel Gibson have to be so angry about? I know his dad is crazy and that he's had a very overly examined life and whatnot, but good grief. Stop being so angry, Mel Gibson. Work on it! I know you can't turn it off like a light, but at least try. Go to therapy. Do some meditation. Because being angry all the time must be an awful way to go through life, and it makes other people's lives bad too. So cut it out. [TMZ]
Jessica Simpson was apparently jealous of Kate Middleton's pregnancy. That's what an Us Weekly headline suggests. They say she "envied" the British princess's pregnancy. Which... Um. Remember when Kate Middleton was hospitalized because of her horrible morning sickness? You know, that condition called hyperemesis gravidarum that she had? Not really something to be jealous of probably! But then you actually read the post and this is what Jessica Simpson said: "Kate Middleton was glowing throughout her pregnancy. A lot of pregnant moms were looking at her like, 'How do you do that?!'" OK. Basically Jessica Simpson was saying that she gains a lot of weight when she's pregnant but Kate Middleton looked svelte and sleek the whole nine months. Which, fine. She's not wrong about that. [Us Weekly]
Oh god. Justin Bieber is now hanging out with Chris Brown. He tweeted about it! He said "Breezy spray painted my half pipe." Which, yes, sounds like a dirty thing some rollerskate twink named Breezy did at a rental in the Pines in 1978, but what he actually means is that Chris "Breezy" Brown came over to Justin's house and spray painted a skateboarding ramp thing. There are Instagram snaps of the event. And then they went to dinner. Justin. Is this really a guy you want to hang out with? He seems like kind of a jerk, that Chris Brown. And Chris, is this really a guy you want to hang out with? He seems like kind of a jerk, that Justin Bieber. Just two jerks hanging out? Doesn't sound fun. Though, I guess it keeps them away from everyone else. If the jerks are with each other they aren't with the rest of us. So there might actually be some benefit here. Maybe we should encourage this. Spray each other's half pipes all night long, boys. Just don't bother us. [Daily Mail]
"Like the coolest of New Yorkers – hashtag Hannah Horvath! – the kittens recently rescued from the city's subway tracks are living it up in Brooklyn." That's how the People magazine article begins. An article about kittens found on a New York City subway. Hannah Horvath is a character on HBO's Girls, a show about young women living in Brooklyn in the present day. The headline for this article on the home page of People's website is "Rescued Subway Kittens Living Like Girls in Brooklyn." Hence the Hannah Horvath reference in the actual article. The idea being that the kittens are in Brooklyn, and that's where that show takes place, thus there is a similarity. Because if you live in Brooklyn, a huge borough that would be the fourth largest city in the United States if it was its own city, you are just like that one little-watched show about the young educated white women who live in Brooklyn. Terrific. Terrific! [People]