What Is Happening in Famke Janssen's House?

Today in celebrity news: Famke Janssen has a scary thing going on right now, Gwyneth Paltrow's trainer throws her under the bus, and JTT is still a thing, guys. 

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Remember how, just a day or two ago, it was reported that actress Famke Janssen came home to her New York apartment to find a copy of the creepily-covered children's book The Lonely Doll in her bedroom, even though she doesn't own a copy of The Lonely Doll? We all screamed for hours about that but then assumed it was a typical break-in and that the police would investigate and keep her safe and all would be well. But. Oh god. The police did investigate and they found absolutely no evidence of a break-in. There's nothing on the building's security camera footage, there was no sign of forced entry, and there were no fingerprints anywhere, including on the book. So what the hell is going on. I mean, I think it's pretty obvious. Ghosts. Who but a ghost can leave a terrifying doll book in your bedroom with no evidence that they were ever there? Nobody. Only a ghost can do that. Famke Janssen lives in a haunted apartment. Girl you better move. Seriously. If I had a nickel for every time I found a horrifying children's book in my room and didn't move and lived to regret it because I was tormented by ghosts for month, well I wouldn't have a single nickel because good grief why wouldn't you move immediately if a strange, small book was left in your room by an invisible burglar, aka a ghost? Ms. Janssen, you were in that movie House on Haunted Hill. You know how these things work out. Not well. So, go. Because either you've got a major ghost problem or, y'know, some mentally ill stalker has found a way into your house and that's awful and, jesus, I should not be making jokes about this. Sorry. [New York Post]

Oh dear. That crazy fitness person that Gwyneth Paltrow, a birdcage made of spider bones, pals around with, Tracy Anderson, did an interview recently and talked about Gwyneth and boy did she put a post-Moses Gwyneth on blast. She said that the actress "had 35 extra pounds on her. Her butt was long and she had outer thigh problems. Gwyneth is lucky because she's really tall, so she can hide it really well in clothes, but she had significant problem areas." Hm. OK. First off, what does "her butt was long" mean? What is a long butt? I mean I can sort of get it, but it is a very strange way to describe what I think this woman is describing. Also: I sincerely doubt that Gwyneth Paltrow has ever had "significant problem areas." Well, at least in terms of the meaning of the word "significant." It's all relative I guess, but oof. Tracy Anderson seems like kiiiiind of a nightmare? Just a little bit of an abject horrorshow? The Us Weekly post about this is careful to mention that Tracy Anderson also "helped sculpt Madonna's body," which... Is that... a good thing? I don't know! I'm not going to say anything else on the matter. I'm just putting that there and letting it sit. Is that a good thing. Just a question. That's all. Anyway, clearly Anderson's methods have done Gwyneth well. Designer Stella McCartney just posted this photo of the actress. So everything's great. Nothing is even wrong with the world. [Us Weekly]

Here is a strange video of Jonathan Taylor Thomas, better known as JTT, leaving a movie theater in Hollywood and being besieged by a bunch of adult men. They're paparazzi and autograph dealers, and it's the saddest thing. Buncha dumpy guys swarming Jonathan Taylor Thomas (that they had pictures at the ready boggles the mind) and asking him brutally dumb questions about his movies. ("Did you ever think Lion King would become a musical?" Terrific question from 1996, my friend. So glad you asked it, because if you did get JTT answering it on camera, in the year two thousand and thirteen, it would absolutely spark a blog bidding war. Everyone would want the footage of JTT saying whether he thought The Lion King, a musical, would become a musical.) It's just very strange, seeing things like this. And it reminds me that there are human beings who have decided to devote their lives to waiting outside the Arclight with cameras just so they can yell "I loved you in I'll Be Home for Christmas!" as the elevator doors shut on Jonathan Taylor Thomas. [TMZ]

Oh good grief. Miley Cyrus has done her inevitable Terry Richardson photo shoot, in which she smokes a tobacco cigarette and grabs her groin area suggestively. Because every young actress of a certain stripe has to do a Terry Richardson photo shoot in which she grabs at her crotch area and smokes a cigarette. It is a rite of passage. This weird old man in glasses wants to take "cool" photographs of them that show that they're not little girls anymore, and so they do it, because it's so much fun. And that's fine! Who the hell cares who wants to do a Terry Richardson photo shoot. Literally anyone who wants to, aside from children who are under the age of consent, can do as many Terry Richardson photo shoots as they want. Doesn't mean it's not silly, though. Doesn't mean it's not a little embarrassing. Not for the suggestiveness or whatever, who cares who's grabbing their crotch, but because these dorky celebrities think it makes them very cool and it's such a transparent stab at being seen as cool that it's embarrassing. That's all. Oh well. Everyone does embarrassing things. This is one of Miley Cyrus's. It's OK. She's young. It's going to be fine. [Daily Mail]

Robin Wright, 47, and Ben Foster, 32, are still dating. Good for them. Why not? This world is a lonely place and we're only in it for a blip of a second. Enjoy it. I know I'm double-standarding all over the place here vis a vis their age difference and genders, but eh, I don't really care. That's how this is working. [Page Six]

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